Emotional stability

As we live our lives, emotional stability is something that we constantly have to work at. Hurdles become inevitable. They’re not something we can always plan for and are often hard to comprehend and overcome.

It is our inability to deal with hurdles that will leave us in a position where we are less than able to cope emotionally. How easy it would be to get angry at ourselves. Sadly, we won’t always know how to come to terms with what we deal with and being angry is often part of that process. Some of us may choose to block out our experiences, others may simply do their best to deal with what they have to deal with.

Also, as we try to move on with our lives, we may not always feel any better about our experiences. As other people’s lives continue to tick over, they forget what we deal with, particularly when it comes to a disability. As their lives continue, we will still have to pick up the pieces. Blocking things out doesn’t help us deal with or come to terms with our experiences.

There still isn’t a day go by that I don’t continue to work on, or find a level of acceptance and understanding on what I have had to and continue to deal with in my life. I tend to work on the premise and it works for me that the things I can change I will set to change and the things I can’t change, I will find an acceptance on so that I’m okay and can move forward.

I use the same philosophy for everything, regardless of what I’m dealing with.


23 Feb, 2013

6 thoughts on “Emotional stability

  1. I think it’s great how you deal with things. I find myself here lately remembering things that I have blocked out or don’t remember from my past.

    The good things make me smile and the bad stuff makes me think of how I could have handled the situation and just learn from it. One thing I really can’t change that happened to me, was when I was 8 years old and had to go into the hospital when they found out I had Diabetes.

    I had to endure a lot of needles and bad stuff as they tested me and did other things to see if it would reverse itself or if I was going to be a lifelong Diabetic. For an 8 year old it was traumatic and at one point I remember telling my father I hated him.

    I think he remembered that the rest of his life and felt guilty for the fact I had the condition, which they found out I had inherited from his family and my moms. I think also that is why my father treated me with kid gloves and gave me everything I just about asked for!

    Now I carry guilt for that, but know that my father knew before he passed that I loved him dearly. I never said sorry for saying I hated him and I’m sure he truly understood it though.

    I have a few other things in my closet that I feel guilty about and I have to learn one day to accept them because I cannot change them. I have to learn from the experiences.

    1. Thank you! I know how you feel about carrying guilt, because in my twenties (before I went down a spiritual path) I held on to a lot of guilt based on the fact that I felt I had failed in school.

      I felt as though I had failed, but it was my parents fault not getting me the help I needed when they knew I was struggling with my school work because of my physical problems. There is always a bigger picture on what we deal with and yet we carry the guilt.

      I understand why you still feel the guilt with your father Lisa. Not saying sorry will be one of your reasons, but I know your father will have completely understood your reasoning even though you have never addressed your reasoning for yourself. I agree that before your father passed he will have reconciled all of this for himself. There is no doubt in my mind. Parents just know how and why their children struggle.

      This one issue also doesn’t account for the many happy times you’ve spent with your father. It’s true that we lash out at the ones we love when we’re hurting and your situation is no exception Lisa.

      Perhaps now it’s time to just let this one go.

  2. Letting go of things is something that I truly have a hard time doing. Most of my experiences as a child were good; the only one thing that I’ve never dealt with was the drinking that my step-dad did.

    The other day while sitting at home and dealing with my unruly neighbors, something flipped in my head and their yelling and scrambling around reminded me of when I was a child. My step-dad would come home and pick a fight with mom while he was drunk. She had to endure this for a long time and I give her a lot of credit for doing so.

    She finally had enough and left him, taking just the essentials and us kids. We moved about 3 hours away and he eventually found us. He was banging on the door and wanted to see us kids. It really made me sad. I can vividly recall the hurt in his voice outside the door and couldn’t understand why mom wouldn’t let him in.

    Now I see she just wanted to protect us from an alcoholic, he eventually was able to visit us on weekends. Looking back I can now see the dysfunction of living with an alcoholic and I’ve forgiven him for all the hurt he caused my mom.

    Hard to believe that the neighbors’ yelling and ruckus brought this memory back from when I was about 6 years old. I have finally uncovered what was deep in my mind locked away for such a long time. I am now at peace with the memory and know my Mom did the right thing leaving and raising us on her own.

    1. You’re absolutely right Maria. Thank you for being brave enough to post this. I believe your mother did the right thing by eventually leaving your step-dad; it’s just a shame she didn’t manage it sooner, but it mustn’t have been easy for her. It takes just one scenario to bring back these kind of memories.

      I think it takes courage to be able to break away and start afresh somewhere else. It’s a shame there isn’t more protection through the courts for victims in this kind of case. I’m not sure any alcoholic, whether it’s a step-dad or not, should be allowed to be around children.

      I find it commendable that you have now forgiven your step-dad. I believe we are all responsible for our actions. Your father will be brought to account for his behaviour.

      I hope though, he’s managed to turn his life around and that he’s reformed his life. It really is a shame he got to be in this dark place in the first place.

  3. I’ve spent a long time basically paralyzed by not wanting to deal with certain hurdles in my life. It’s hard to believe that so much time has passed and I feel like I have missed out on so much!

    My Fears have kept me a prisoner in my own mind, since I gave up on really living because things in my life weren’t the way I thought they should be.

    Only now do I sometimes feel like honestly living and it would be nice to at least feel comfortable in my own skin, if not anything else!

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