Forced relationships

1 Apr 2017

Trying too hard to make any relationship work means the relationship is forced. Forced relationships can be uncomfortable and hard work and yet those are what many of us deal with. No relationship should ever be forced. If you’re having to force something, it will never fit.

But do we think of relationships as being forced?

I’m not sure we ever consciously make the connection. All our thinking is done on an unconscious level. Forced relationships aren’t just subjected to one-on-one relationships, they also happen in families, with siblings. And although we never think about those relationships as being forced that is what they are.

Being forced doesn’t necessarily mean we’re doing something against our will, but it means we’re also trying too hard to make something work. The thought of holding a gun to someone’s head is what we may correlate with being forced, but there are different ways to look at something that is forced.

Unfortunately, we spend a lifetime trying to figure out how to make our relationships work. We also spend a lifetime, putting a huge amount of energy into trying to convince not only ourselves, but our other half that we’re perfect for each other, but perhaps that’s the point. We shouldn’t have to. Any relationship that needs that amount of energy to make it work, isn’t right.

Like a good wine, conversations and relationships should flow. Two souls that come together, don’t need to be continually worked on. When emotional barriers go up, everything becomes forced. Either we’re not getting it or we don’t want to admit, or we scared to move on alone, but we tend not to admit what’s obvious and staring us in the face.

As the familiar serves as a gentle reminder of where we are, we fail to see or accept that we must make new decisions, if we want to change the dynamics of the relationship, but that needs to happen.

2 Responses to “Forced relationships”

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  1. Brad 02. Apr, 2017 at 4:38 pm #

    I guess if you don’t feel comfortable then a relationship will never work, but that all depends on how the relationship began.

    Nonetheless, once people are in relationships, they continue for many reasons; not all for the right reasons. It would be nice to think all relationships are effortless, but real life gets in the way. I wonder how many of us can honestly say we have the relationship you describe?

    But that is different from a relationship that is forced from the beginning as I believe that is fated to fail.

    • Ilana 02. Apr, 2017 at 4:56 pm #

      Thank you. Yes, I agree it would be lovely to see relationships thrive, for couples, families, all relationships to work effortlessly.

      Forced relationships are that little bit more difficult, but can be effortless if both parties want to make the marriage or partnership work. Relationships that aren’t spontaneous are sometimes forced.

      Although I agree with your sentiment about life, I’m not sure how relevant that is. Yes, life gets in the way, but instead of us using it to go back in and to support each other, we use it instead to bail, which is why more people are getting divorced.

      Regardless, I feel we must go back to basics on this. Sadly, letting life get in the way, many have lost their way.

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