Forcing others to adapt

We force others to adapt instead of working with them. I’m not just referring to those of us who deal with disabilities, but in other walks of life too, where we’re expected to just fit in. This has been my life.

Society, people’s cultures, social change are all part of this scenario. We expect others to conform, adapt into what is the norm, even if the norm isn’t the norm for them. Life is hard, even harder when we’re expected to run with things and mentally we know we can’t.

Perhaps there’s something we’re having to transition to and that’s what we’re struggling with. With a disability everything is so much harder. Without a disability, the stability we create for ourselves, gives us security, which makes us feel more at ease. Being more at ease, means we’re more likely to give things a go.

Perhaps when we’re forcing others to adapt and they’re dealing with a disability, it means we’re uncertain on how to play things, or perhaps it’s just something that suits us, because we’re not having to come out of our comfort zone to help them.

Sadly, amongst my many bitter experiences and including where others expect me to adapt into their lives, they’re sending out the message that they care about themselves more.


30 Dec, 2017

2 thoughts on “Forcing others to adapt

  1. Yes, that’s definitely the message I got growing up was that my mother’s needs came before mine.

    We were expected just to adapt and survive even though nobody was showing us how to do it. This is what I speak of when I’m talking about being thrown to the wolves as a child.

    I’m sure that you felt the same way, where they were telling you to do things but not quite comprehending how difficult they were making it for you.

    They expected us to just know how to do things, which is next to impossible when nobody has taught you how to do them. The only thing that saved me a lot of times was that I was very smart and knew how to read about certain things that I didn’t know about.

    I just think it was so very unfair to both of us that they expected us to adapt to their norms, without telling us how to.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, you’re absolutely right. Parents tend to either parent as they have been parented themselves, or choose to think about themselves.

      I know from what you’ve said in the past about your mother particularly, she had her own struggles and therefore you were made to conform. She wasn’t equipped to help you. You’re smart and you worked things out.

      In my own case, there were insecurity issues going on, but those had nothing to do with my not knowing what my struggles were, or the lack of support.

      However, we both got to where we found ourselves, we found each other through our experiences and now are able to act as a support to each other.

      It doesn’t take away our experiences, or get those responsible off the hook, but it does go some way to offer an explanation of our lives. I hope it helps.

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