Healing conflict from within

Conflicts are an inevitable part of life. But however hard we try it’s not easy trying to permanently avoid them, but the stronger we are, the easier we’ll handle them without having to cut ties.

For those of us who choose to walk away from conflict, it’s often because we’re afraid to look deeply within ourselves. We tend to bury the things we don’t like, or we don’t want to deal with and pass those off as if the problem for us doesn’t exist.

Some of us will either sit on the fence or will leave it to someone else to sort out, but the problem with not dealing with conflicts, is that all communication stops until the conflict is addressed or resolved. Outer conflict when it’s ignored will harm others if we deny our part.

Getting stuck into blame, resentment and projection causes relationships to drift. They also cause resentment. When we judge, separation and conflicts will occur. When we blame, we’re dealing with conflict within ourselves that has never been resolved.

Emotional conflicts and resentments rarely have a lot to do with the present moment. Most of the negativity we feel comes from past experiences not yet dealt with. Those feelings are projected into conflict that we don’t always recognise as coming from us.

When we take control and recognise the negative conflicts that are within us, we will change our outward personality to compassion, tolerance, patience and love.

29 Jun, 2010

8 thoughts on “Healing conflict from within

  1. I agree and have been on both sides of this situation.

    Healing conflicts from within and waiting for others to do so is an even tougher road. I find that when I have been on both sides of an issue it makes it a lot easier to get mature really fast. Great post, good thoughts. Thanks… Brian

    1. Waiting for others to see their own conflicts is always tougher as they may or may not see they have conflicts, but we can sort out our own.

  2. Sometimes people can point out your faults and ignore their own. Sometimes people just don’t get it and never will.

    In the case of my father he will never change. He is too old for that. Sometimes it is best just to walk away for a while, to cool down.

    No matter what I said he would just dismiss me anyway. What I think does not matter to him and never has. Everything is his way or the highway. That is his right, after all it is his house not mine. I just live there.

    1. I understand your frustrations, but no-one has the right to inflict verbal abuse on someone else. He wasn’t born like that, maybe life has been tough for him, but it still is no excuse on his behavior.

      I don’t believe anyone is too old to change Randy, I just believe he doesn’t think he is at fault, although you certainly know different. One thing he probably is teaching you though, is how to work your life differently including how you treat others.

      If leaving for a few days helps you, then that’s great. Your father is not for changing, you perceiving him differently would help you cope better. If that means change on your part, then that’s what you must do.

  3. Yes, we do have to deal with our own conflict and be able to discuss things with the people in our lives that are important to us and even others. Especially if there is a conflict with that person causing us strife and pain.

    Like in a marriage there has to be communication all the time or things won’t progress into something beautiful and if we are conflicted by something we should be able to discuss it with our partner. I have a problem in that area sometimes cause I think he won’t understand me but he surprises me at times.

    Keeping things bottled up isn’t good for us either. It can cause blood pressure and other physical and mental problems. If others have a problem with what I’m dealing with, they have no compassion and shouldn’t pass judgment on me because I have a problem.

    My mom used to say people make their own beds and then have to lie in them and its true. Others have to live with their own behavior and so do I. I’ve learned things are better out in the open It does make for better relationships. Hugs Lisa.

    1. Lisa you are absolutely right in everything you say. As long as you deal with your own personal conflict I believe everything else should fall into place.

  4. Good post. You are so right and that’s hard for so many people. I think if one could break through the initial barrier it will happen easier.

    1. The hard part is finding out how to break through the initial barrier. That is something else I will be looking at in my blogs.

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