Holding a grudge

Although ‘no one goes go to school to be a parent’ and we’ve probably all heard that saying a thousand times growing up, it puts children at a disadvantage. That however our parents, parent we’re supposed to be okay with it.

It’s not okay because our lives are shaped by how our parents parent us, with us eventually holding a grudge against them for all their wrongdoings. Although the analogy is correct, the deed isn’t. But in the context of spirituality, we all have freewill to change how we do things, including our parents.

Although children aren’t in a position to discuss with their parents just how they’re parented, it is important for parents to get the parenting thing right. And where children hold a grudge on something they’re not keen to own or have, there is no point holding on to it, because grudges can turn into anger and bitterness.

Timing on when things change will always be an issue, but the universe knows our struggle and will always try to help. Where freewill is concerned, we may have to wait slightly longer. Parents have freewill not to change anything. In those circumstances, it will be something external that we’re not aware of at the time that will eventually change the status quo.

It’s only when we look back that we begin to see the picture of how things work out. But however hard it is to sit back and wait, and I’ve been there many times myself, it is important we hold on to hope and keep an open mind, because hope brings new possibilities that our circumstances will eventually change.

And keeping an open mind allows us to grasp new opportunities as they present on the other side of hope.


8 Jun, 2018

4 thoughts on “Holding a grudge

  1. Holding on to a grudge was pretty much my parent’s pastime. They held so many of them, against each other, their families, other people and the whole world it seemed like.

    It always seemed like they hated each other and even us most of the time, but for whatever insane reason they chose to stay together, most likely out of the thought they wanted to keep my siblings and I together, but they should have just let us go.

    I lost count a long time ago of how many grudges I hang on to but, I know that it has been enough to keep me buried under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse for most of my life.

    I can’t continue living this way any longer, seeing as it doesn’t do me any good so I need to learn how to let go of them while I still can, if I want to finally live!

    1. My experiences of my parents staying together are similar to yours Randy.

      But I think that is what parents did when we were growing up. But you’re right, it is actually more damaging for parents to stay together for the sake of the children. If their grudges are directed at each other that makes it worse for the children of course.

      I personally don’t get it. If parents aren’t happy in their relationship, they will suffer and struggle too. I’m not sure why anyone would want to put themselves or their children through that.

      Times have changed now thankfully. Parents are divorcing now and I agree with that if they can’t stay together. It’s better ‘to come from a broken home than live in one.’ Also, statistically children recover better when parents split.

      Children having to listen to their parents grudges is selfish and makes their lives and makes their parents’ relationship about them.

  2. I’m sure we have all been hurt by the words or actions of someone, often by those we love and trust.

    I agree if we dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment can eat us up. If we allow negative feelings in instead of positive feelings, we can be swallowed up by our own bitterness, or sense of injustice. That does no one any good.

    Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. I am not one who forgives easily, but through experience I have learnt to be more forgiving.

  3. Thank you. Yes, you’re right we mustn’t dwell on hurtful events or situations because that allows for resentment. As you say, ‘it does no one any good,’ it just hurts us more.

    It is important for us to find a place for the hurt. Where someone is wilful and would do the same again, they don’t need forgiveness because they clearly don’t care.

    But my experiences have shown that we can get past the hurt, that we don’t necessarily have to forgive as long as we understand why and we’re okay with it.

    I am pleased that through your experiences you have learned to be more forgiving. That is the right thing to do and it’s how the universe expects us to behave.

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