Holding a grudge

My mum used to quote the saying ‘no one goes go to school to be a parent’, but that puts children at a disadvantage. It tells children that however their parents parent, they’re supposed to be okay with it. But it’s not always okay, because children’s lives are shaped by how they are parented.

In the context of spirituality, we all have free will to change how we do things: so do parents. Because children aren’t always in a position to talk to their parents about how they’re parented, it is important that parents parent well, and do the best they can.

Where children may hold grudges against their parents, it’s crucial they understand that grudges turn into anger and anger into bitterness. These are conversations that parents should prioritise having with their children. Parents should always be approachable.

8 Jun, 2018

4 thoughts on “Holding a grudge

  1. Holding on to a grudge was pretty much my parent’s pastime. They held so many of them, against each other, their families, other people and the whole world it seemed like.

    It always seemed like they hated each other and even us most of the time, but for whatever insane reason they chose to stay together, most likely out of the thought they wanted to keep my siblings and I together, but they should have just let us go.

    I lost count a long time ago of how many grudges I hang on to but, I know that it has been enough to keep me buried under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse for most of my life.

    I can’t continue living this way any longer, seeing as it doesn’t do me any good so I need to learn how to let go of them while I still can, if I want to finally live!

    1. My experiences of my parents staying together are similar to yours Randy.

      But I think that is what parents did when we were growing up. But you’re right, it is actually more damaging for parents to stay together for the sake of the children. If their grudges are directed at each other that makes it worse for the children of course.

      I personally don’t get it. If parents aren’t happy in their relationship, they will suffer and struggle too. I’m not sure why anyone would want to put themselves or their children through that.

      Times have changed now thankfully. Parents are divorcing now and I agree with that if they can’t stay together. It’s better ‘to come from a broken home than live in one.’ Also, statistically children recover better when parents split.

      Children having to listen to their parents grudges is selfish and makes their lives and makes their parents’ relationship about them.

  2. I’m sure we have all been hurt by the words or actions of someone, often by those we love and trust.

    I agree if we dwell on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment can eat us up. If we allow negative feelings in instead of positive feelings, we can be swallowed up by our own bitterness, or sense of injustice. That does no one any good.

    Some people are naturally more forgiving than others. I am not one who forgives easily, but through experience I have learnt to be more forgiving.

  3. Thank you. Yes, you’re right we mustn’t dwell on hurtful events or situations because that allows for resentment. As you say, ‘it does no one any good,’ it just hurts us more.

    It is important for us to find a place for the hurt. Where someone is wilful and would do the same again, they don’t need forgiveness because they clearly don’t care.

    But my experiences have shown that we can get past the hurt, that we don’t necessarily have to forgive as long as we understand why and we’re okay with it.

    I am pleased that through your experiences you have learned to be more forgiving. That is the right thing to do and it’s how the universe expects us to behave.

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