How we may change

13 Jan 2017

The only limits are the ones we create for ourselves, but a deeper understanding of where we can make changes to our lives, will present us with an opportunity to make decisions that once we didn’t think we could.

We need to have passion too, because without passion we may never fulfill our potential to work on change to be successful, or happy. Although it seems hard to change, it’s not as hard as we think. We’re too quick to think we can’t change and that change happens to someone else, but it’s important to get past that notion.

Anyone can change, but the problem is, we tie ourselves into our lives without stopping to think about the life we have, or what we want from it. We’re also too concerned about letting other people down and how they may feel if we were to change, but that’s not a reason not to change. If the shoe were on the other foot, those others would be the first to do what they needed to do.

We’re letting ourselves down not working on change. Although that was my life for many years, it became obvious that I needed change. To know about my physical and emotional difficulties, because no one else was going to do it for me.

I believe we consciously live with our unconscious thoughts, without giving anything a second’s thought and perhaps that’s where we’re going wrong. For some, it’s a case of biding our time until such a time we can make the appropriate changes, for others they’re often in a rut and aren’t sure how to change.

The first part of change for anyone, is to recognise our own wants and needs and be aware of what we need to change without feeling guilt. Hand on heart on that one. We also need to believe in ourselves.

Working on ourselves, looking at our circumstances, as well as understanding the universe, will help us nurture and support our choice to be happier, more peaceful and more secure in ourselves and in our lives.

I never stop working on change and whilst The CP Diary is a culmination of my own changes, I believe we can all change. Like everything in life, we just have to want to.

4 Responses to “How we may change”

Post a Comment
  1. Randy 13. Jan, 2017 at 2:27 pm #

    This is what I was just thinking about and realizing that change is the one thing I have always been afraid of.

    We grew up in a world where we didn’t have a lot of control over our own lives, so we became victims of that learned helplessness, which my counsellor has mentioned frequently. I look back on my life and it upsets me that my fears, doubts and insecurities kept me paralysed for most of it.

    I was actually more afraid of living, than I was of just surviving so I wasn’t able to enjoy life. It’s no wonder I always felt like something was missing, because there really was in so many ways.

    The biggest issue was the fact that my parents had made us feel guilty for trying to live our own lives, which is truly sad in so many ways. How is something that I have heard of for so many years in AA but had a hard time believing in.

    Honesty, open mindedness, and willingness, I had spent most of my life wearing blinders and rose colored glasses, so I didn’t really think that things could really be different. I was brainwashed by my mother into believing what she did, which was very twisted since everything was all about her and what she wanted.

    I didn’t have much of a chance to really be a kid, which means that I still think at times like that 12 year old boy before she finally broke me. It is a daily struggle to overcome those constant feelings of I’m not worthy.

    I’ll have to use the Serenity Prayer to finally make the changes that I need to. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    • Ilana 13. Jan, 2017 at 2:49 pm #

      Thanks Randy. There is no doubt in my mind that you know everything you need to know.

      You eloquently refer to your mother as being the instigator of your issues and how you know her parenting was wrong. Now you owe it to yourself to be the person you always dreamed of being.

      Hopefully in time through all that you’re doing through groups like AA and your Counsellor, you can start to make the changes you want to make, so that you can change and move on.

      For some parents parenting and they won’t always know it, the book their children may often prescribe to is the book of ‘how not to do things.’ You have your list Randy.

      I love the serenity prayer too. For me it encompasses a life gone, but a life that can still be addressed through courage and wisdom and that’s important. Our past is gone, but we still have a chance in our present to address what we need to address.

      I would rather address what I can whilst it’s here in the present, however hard that may be, rather than ignore what I need to address and find it’s gone and I have to live with what if.

      Randy you have the serenity, the courage and wisdom in abundance. Perhaps it’s time for that change, you so eloquently talk about.

  2. Tim 17. Jan, 2017 at 4:41 am #

    At some point we get tired of pursuing the same thing over and over again. That’s why I stopped struggling against my own contradictions and made some important changes in my life.

    That’s why the expression on my face is so different, but I still have more changing to do.

    • Ilana 17. Jan, 2017 at 6:28 am #

      I love this Tim. Again, I think your response is spot on. You have clearly found a way to change without comprising your own personality and values and that’s important.

      Doing it the way you have allows us to be us, without feeling the need to conform to anyone else’s demands or preconceptions and without feeling guilty for putting ourselves first.

Leave a Reply