We should all be able to talk to our parents about things that affect us. After my own discussions about my childhood and my life up to this point, for the first time I feel I now have an inner confidence, based on the new discussions that I’ve never had.
It may seem odd that having got myself through three years of study and starting The CP Diary two and a half years ago, that must all take confidence. For me it wasn’t about confidence, it was about my determination to do something that would change the way I felt about what I had been dealing with for all those years. I was doing something positive for the first time in my life.
For the first time, I feel content without having to work through stressful issues to fit in with everyone, just to be me. I have never known what it is to have contentment that comes with a normal loving family. There has always been something for me to deal with. Times have been stressful.
I love the feeling it brings. Now that I have that feeling without the stress, I’m concerned the feeling won’t last, not because I’m negative, on the contrary I’m the opposite. Unfortunately, it’s been so long in coming, I’m concerned the circumstances will change and something will happen to change the status quo.
My father’s terminal illness may bring the change and that scares me, because for the first time, it feels right.