Inner confidence

We should all be able to talk to our parents about things that affect us. After my own discussions about my childhood and my life up to this point, for the first time I feel I now have an inner confidence, based on the new discussions that I’ve never had.

It may seem odd that having got myself through three years of study and starting The CP Diary two and a half years ago, that must all take confidence. For me it wasn’t about confidence, it was about my determination to do something that would change the way I felt about what I had been dealing with for all those years. I was doing something positive for the first time in my life.

For the first time, I feel content without having to work through stressful issues to fit in with everyone, just to be me. I have never known what it is to have contentment that comes with a normal loving family. There has always been something for me to deal with. Times have been stressful.

I love the feeling it brings. Now that I have that feeling without the stress, I’m concerned the feeling won’t last, not because I’m negative, on the contrary I’m the opposite. Unfortunately, it’s been so long in coming, I’m concerned the circumstances will change and something will happen to change the status quo.

My father’s terminal illness may bring the change and that scares me, because for the first time, it feels right.

24 Nov, 2012

4 thoughts on “Inner confidence

  1. I’m so happy for you to finally have contentment in your life. Growing up I felt my parents didn’t understand me and didn’t understand how I felt.

    I didn’t have the support I should have had, or understanding. I still feel that my mom doesn’t exactly get me and I so wish she did. I discuss how I feel with her but she just doesn’t get it. She says things like, ‘leave the past alone, what has happened, has happened,’ but that doesn’t help with the future. We are suppose to learn from our past and I’ve learned that she don’t get me and I don’t think she will ever get me.

    I don’t see you being negative just cautious. When things happen and then start going in the right direction there seems to be a fear of the past repeating itself.

    Just keep thinking positive thoughts and look up!

    1. Thanks Lisa. Making things right with my father for the first time has given me the feeling of inner confidence.

      I like you didn’t have much in the way of support, I still don’t have that, but there s a better understanding of what I’ve been through which helps me with my inner confidence.

      Parents don’t always understand how or why their children feel as they do. Growing up is hard for both parents and children, but if parents took the time to understand their children more, as children we’d have more confidence.

      You’re right, I am being cautious. I don’t want to lose the feeling I have; it’s taken me this long to get.

  2. I was able to discuss certain things with my mother who understood where I was coming from. I miss that.

    She understood my father and sometimes gave me advice how to handle him.

    Certain things that are very private to me I have never discussed with either parent or any other family member.

    I keep these things to myself or share them with people who would understand my point of view.

    1. I am pleased you were able to discuss certain things with your mother.

      I think you’re right, we tend to speak to those people who will understand and who we can trust to talk to us about personal things that matter to us.

      I’ve never had those kind of experiences growing up, but what I do know is that being able to talk in this way does add to our inner confidence.

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