Making adjustments

Adjusting to a life without my parents hasn’t been difficult because I understand, but winding down from all the stress has. It’s amazing how resilient we are when we need to keep everything together, as our own feelings about what we’re dealing with are kept under wraps.

When our situation eventually changes of course, emotionally we not only have to let go of the old feelings so that we can make way for any new feelings, but we must also learn how to adapt. All of this takes time.

23 Apr, 2013

8 thoughts on “Making adjustments

  1. Yes, it takes time. I haven’t lost both of my parents just my father and it took me a long time to accept that he was gone.

    He was my world for so long and I was mad that he had died. I felt lost because I had depended on him so much. My mom is now terminally ill and I’ve had time to accept her eventual death but it hasn’t made it any easier.

    I don’t know how I will feel or be when she is gone. Having both parents gone will probably bother me for a while, because I have to accept that things are changing and I will be the grown up, the next generation.

    1. Thanks Lisa. The irony Lisa is that you are the grown up, just with your mother still here!

      You still have decisions to make based around your own family, although it probably doesn’t feel that way because you still have a safety net in place.

      This time you’ll probably cope better because you’ve had time to make adjustments, whilst you cope with her terminal illness. That part of my father’s illness made it easier for me too, the other part knowing that my father would be in spirit also made it easier.

      Death isn’t final. It’s just a crossing from one world to another. Death just seems final because it’s never talked about. It’s the unspoken word.

  2. Ilana, what a profound statement: ‘Death isn’t final, it’s just a crossing from one world to another.’

    Your transitioning or ‘making adjustments,’ isn’t very difficult for you because you are keenly focused spiritually. I find comfort in your view of life and death.

    Your thoughts about this topic echo my very sentiments, but I must admit I am not one to make adjustments easily. I find making adjustments a bit intimidating.

    This post has been helpful to my further development in that area of life.

    1. Thanks Tim. I am pleased my blog has helped you in this way.

      It doesn’t matter how long we take to adjust to a loved one passing over. Losing someone close brings with it so many feelings, some we can equate and understand, some of which we can’t which is why it takes so long for us to adjust.

      You’re right, I do find it easier than most because to me death is never final. It’s a transition. In a way life is also like that.

  3. You cannot rush the process. Having been through my mother’s death you have to take it one step at a time.

    1. Yes of course, we’re all different. Thanks Randy.

      The adjustment of having so much stress to having very little stress now is what I am trying to work through. I have to let my subconscious and conscious thoughts work together so that I can let go of the stress surrounding my father’s terminal illness.

      It’s that process of letting go completely.

  4. Yes it does seem to be a very difficult thing to do and may take a long time to finally adjust to life without them! I think it’s actually easier for me in some ways, since I felt like I lost them a very long time ago.

    I wasn’t really close to them as I should have been, but for sanity’s sake I had to keep some distance between us. My Mother has already passed from this world and now my father is in the middle of his journey, so I do have to prepare for that too.

    I love my parents and never really hated them, but it would have been nice for things to have been different! I just want them to be at peace and not suffering.

    I’ll have to work on my old feelings so they don’t continue haunting me even when they’re gone. It would be great to finally move on!

    1. I know how you feel Randy. I think you will eventually move on when your father has completed his journey. It’s harder to establish any final thoughts whilst our parents are still around.

      I know you love your parents, you just can’t live with them! It’s the old adage. I don’t believe any one acts out of malice intentionally. Parents tend to parent as they have been parented themselves. I had that with my parents.

      Even though they should have turned things around for you, to some extent I am not sure how capable they were of doing that because it never happened for you. The sad reality is that many parents don’t manage it.

      You will come through this and you will move on. I know it. It will just take more time.

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