Misplaced loyalty

14 Nov 2016

Being loyal is something we should invest in, not only because it’s right and we never know when we need others to be loyal to us, but because we identify with or support that person or cause.

Other people should want to support us back, but they don’t, often because they have their own agendas. Misplaced loyalty if allowed to continue, can make a person feel disillusioned with their circumstances, themselves and with their lives.

Loyalty is something we place in others and where loyalty isn’t acknowledged or respected, then we’re taken advantage of and betrayed. It’s a misplaced trust that over a period of time becomes clear isn’t reciprocated.

Misplaced loyalties can also happen within organisations, leaving us compromised and disappointed. Unfortunately, misplaced loyalty if continually repeated, can leave us questioning the very reason why we continue to put ourselves out there, being loyal to those who have a different agenda.

There’s one thing about being loyal to someone who isn’t loyal that’s bad enough, but choosing to remain silent is another, particularly when we know we’re hurting and we should speak out. When it comes to family or friends, where loyalty means equality, this may never materialise when it comes to misplaced loyalty.

Unfortunately, when it comes to misplaced loyalty, we will always continue to get hurt, unless we speak out, or choose to walk away. When we have to continually comprise just to fit into another person’s life, we will have no  quality of life, let alone a life.

8 Responses to “Misplaced loyalty”

Post a Comment
  1. Randy 14. Nov, 2016 at 4:44 pm #

    I was forced as a child to be loyal to my parents, when in reality they didn’t show a whole lot of loyalty to us. This has led to a lifetime pattern of being so very loyal to others, who pretty much used and abused me.

    Of course I hated every second of it, but didn’t bother to complain or fight back a whole lot. Learned helplessness is what they call it, which sounds very fitting to me. only recently have I begun to feel like I do have options and I don’t have to live the way I always have.

    A lot of people seem to expect extreme loyalty, to the point of blind obedience, but don’t really seem to want to return the favour, which is so very sad. At this point I just want to be free of all that baggage and be able to feel comfortable in my own skin for a change.

  2. Ilana 14. Nov, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

    Thanks Randy. Yes, we’re told how to behave and then we replicate that behaviour with other people. That only works of course, if we’re happy with what is being asked of us.

    When it comes to any form of abuse, it’s easy to understand why you would want to be free of all that baggage. Some parents should come with a ‘how not to do things list.’ I believe it is possible to turn some of those patterns behind.

  3. Tim 14. Nov, 2016 at 7:07 pm #

    I’ve been loyal and I’ve been hurt, but I’ve always learned something from it. It’s those sharp edges that make us stronger and better sometimes.

    So I’m usually loyal, somebody has to be.

    • Ilana 14. Nov, 2016 at 7:16 pm #

      Thanks Tim. Yes, I too have had to learn the hard way, but I think you’re right; we learn from those experiences. Depending on the person of course, those sharp edges can make a person more disillusioned.

      Where you say,’so I’m usually loyal, somebody has to be.’ I would say Yes and No. Yes it’s important to want to be loyal, there should be more of us, but never at the cost of our own integrity.

      It takes two to make and break a relationship. Sometimes we have to know when enough is enough and walk away.

      • Tim 14. Nov, 2016 at 7:43 pm #

        Agreed. I’m loyal Ilana, but I do have an insult level and I will not let anyone go there.

        • Ilana 14. Nov, 2016 at 8:03 pm #

          Yes of course, but there are times where we must reassess and take a stance. If a relationship is worth saving, perhaps we should try to make walking away a last resort.

          Not everything done is done with the wrong intent, but that is something we would need to work out.

  4. Brian Wilson 14. Nov, 2016 at 7:32 pm #

    I believe in giving everyone enough rope to hang themselves; all they have to do is betray themselves and that leap will prove that the rope is too short.

    • Ilana 14. Nov, 2016 at 7:49 pm #

      Thanks Brian. Yes, giving people the opportunity to show their true colours, can work either way. Some people will live up to expectations and will step up to the mark, others will disappoint and will prove to be disloyal.

      If more of us were loyal, we wouldn’t need to give anyone enough rope; they wouldn’t need to betray themselves, or betray anyone else.

      I think it enormously sad that we’re just not getting the loyal thing right.

Leave a Reply