No apology

If like me you’ve gone through life having had things done to you without so much as an apology for those things, then we need to think differently.

Perhaps we’ve got to get better at accepting the things we cannot change and put less energy into expecting or fighting for an apology we know we’re never going to get from those who simply choose not to offer an apology.

If it’s a one-off that becomes more acceptable than something done to that’s repeated over a period of years. But not having an apology doesn’t make what anyone does right or release them from the responsibility of what they’ve done. Instead, it allows us to provide ourselves with the kindness we deserve so that we can legitimise and understand the truth behind our experiences.

Being able to practice awareness in the absence of an apology, means we’re less likely to need or look for validation on what we know to be true. And although it’s hard to move forward without others accepting their part in the process, we must learn to relax, knowing an apology may never be forthcoming.

Trusting ourselves and knowing that what we feel is deserving of kindness and that our truth is justified and valid, should be enough for us to start the healing process.


16 Nov, 2018

4 thoughts on “No apology

  1. Neither one of my parents ever apologised for what they put me through and they blamed each other until their dying breaths.

    Part of me felt like that would be enough, for them to at least admit that they had done something wrong, but that never happened.

    My mother passed in 2010 and my dad just last year, and I hate to say the most that I felt was relief that I didn’t have to deal with them anymore.

    People thought that was horrible, but we spent our childhoods taking care of them and I was resentful that I was the only sibling who was forced to deal with them, again once they were old and had dementia.

    I never really had either one to begin with, so there wasn’t really a sense of grieving, which my girlfriend had expected me to do. I’m not sure of what was expected from me, whether I was supposed to feel crushed or devastated, but I can’t explain it to those who haven’t been through it themselves.

    I shouldn’t have to apologise for my feelings or lack thereof, since they didn’t have to go through what I did.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, relief is good enough. The grieving process is personal to the one grieving. If it’s any consolation, I can resonate with your feelings totally.

      You don’t have to explain and neither do you have to apologise. The universe is completely aware of what you went through, of your struggles.

      The universe will never judge our intentions if those intentions are honourable. Neither should anyone else.

  2. The inability to ask for forgiveness, to admit a mistake, will certainly lead to long term unhappiness. I wonder if people realize the danger they lay for themselves, taking that kind of selfishness to the grave, with an ego attached.

    Relax your jaws and apologize before it’s too late.

    1. Thanks Tim. Agreed. Consciously I don’t think we make the connections, but unconsciously that is exactly how it works.

      You’re on point. The ego is attached to our inability to apologise, although we won’t see that. All we see is that we’re right and that makes the other person wrong.

      That in itself is wrong on so many counts.

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