Others’ responsibility

2 Mar 2017

We’re not off the hook because we avoid responsibility for our actions towards others, or choose to live in denial.

By us choosing to right a wrong says something about us and does more for us than choosing to blank out our experiences as if those experiences didn’t happen, or they don’t exist. The truth is that we can never  change what we’ve said or done, but we can make another person’s life better by being open and honest about those things.

Coming to understand my thoughts and feelings, unravelling my experiences through my blogs has helped me see a clearer picture of how things we’re for me in my formative years. How easy it is for others to impart their guilt on us, for us to begin to think that somehow we’re to blame.

As we carry the guilt, we’re made to believe that we’re to blame that we are in fact responsible. It’s such a terrible misconception, and one which carries us throughout our adult life, until we change our thinking. We’re not responsible for other people’s deeds, even if other people don’t accept they are responsible.

The sad reality of course, is that if we can never admit what we’ve done, nothing will ever change. Blocking things out as if those things didn’t happen, doesn’t make it so, or make those things any less untrue.

2 Responses to “Others’ responsibility”

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  1. Randy 02. Mar, 2017 at 8:22 pm #

    There are so many wrongs that I can never truly right, but I am trying to work on the things I can change. I have wasted far too much of my life blaming others for the mistakes I made, but I learned from the master.

    My mother did a great job of piling on a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse for the mistakes she made in her life. What she didn’t realize was that in doing so, she made us feel responsible for all of her woes, so therefore we were only a burden to her and not the children that she was supposed to love.

    My parents never seemed to fully comprehend how horrible they made life for us. I really always wondered why they even bothered having us in the first place. Needless to say they never did take responsibility for their actions.

    My mom blamed my dad, my dad blamed my mom and they acted like they were completely innocent in the damage that they caused. They lived so well in denial, so that’s exactly what we learned how to do, which isn’t very effective for actually living.

    I have spent most of my life blaming them for all my problems and carrying their burdens for so long that I didn’t know the difference between the two. Sorting through all of that was a task I chose to avoid for a very long time, but I know I need to finally take a long hard look at it.

    I know it won’t be very pleasant but it’s the only way I can finally have some peace in my life. It would be fantastic to be able to finally feel comfortable in my own skin, in the time I have left.

    • Ilana 02. Mar, 2017 at 9:20 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, master is very much a word that describes your experiences and is often the case.

      We learn how to do things from our parents, we do things a certain way and then occupy the same space, doing the same things they did, making mistakes as we go.

      Your parents’ mistakes with you are their mistakes Randy. The mistakes we make from our parents’ mistakes are ours to own, but we can change and do things differently; in the same way our parents can should for us.

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