Our protective walls

Where those who have a disability may put protective walls up and behave in alert mode even when someone is being nice to them, protective walls aren’t just something they do.

We all grow up amongst many who have their protective walls, but when it came to mine, I was always trying to break those walls down. I learned very quickly that whilst walls were up, I would continually learn nothing about myself.

Whilst we should never go into a relationship with our walls up, there are those who tend to err on the side of caution until such a time they feel they can trust. Protective walls are our inability to trust, but however we got to this point it’s important we sort the problem out, even if the original problem was not down to us.

But protective walls aren’t something we should want to live with. They’re also not something we should accept. Eventually any protective wall that’s been there for long enough will be the difference between a successful relationship and any potential break up. Not everyone will put up living on the other side of a wall.

For partnerships to flourish, we must want to be open and honest. The irony is that in our partnerships, we don’t struggle to talk about other people’s difficulties, but we struggle to talk about own.


24 Jan, 2019

2 thoughts on “Our protective walls

  1. My protective walls were a necessity in the world I grew up in, but I also haven’t known how to take them down or to use them against toxic people.

    I have been in such a long and toxic relationship due to the fact that most of my walls were broken down over time by my a mother who brainwashed me so that I could do her bidding. She didn’t seem to grasp the concept of boundaries like normal parents.

    She eventually succeeded in breaking down most of my walls, very nearly destroying my soul, which is why I have struggled to protect my boundaries.

    I half jokingly say that my inner child is frozen in carbonite, but in reality that isn’t far from the truth.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, protective walls usually go up to stop others from coming into our space, from abusing or neglecting and for a finite time it works.

      But we must begin to take back control of our lives, look at our experiences in their entirety, so that we can deal with and go on to make new experiences in a more healthy environment, than the one we left behind.

      I believe it’s a necessity if we are to avoid repeated patterns from our childhood being played out in our adult lives.

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