Our toxic lives

17 Jun 2016

Being the recipient of another person’s toxic behaviour will make your life toxic. When another person controls, is critical, or goes on to make decisions for you, you know you’re living a toxic life.

A toxic relationship is having little to no control over our lives. Being dependent on someone else is also a sign of a toxic life. For some of us, recognising toxicity isn’t obvious, I’m not sure we really equate life in that way, possibly because we’re not consciously connecting with the situation, or we’ve seen it but we’ve unconsciously chosen to ignore it.

For those who do see it, it’s almost easier not to say anything and live in denial, than it is to say something and try to do something about it. As we continue to live toxic lives, we continue to convince ourselves that all is well, but our reality is that we’re far from okay.

If it were so easy for us to change our perceptions on how we see and deal with our lives, the majority of us would have done it by now. Generally, people will seem well intentioned in parts, insecure in others and that could be the reason why their behaviour turns toxic.

Even if it’s not intentional, when it comes to parenting, parents may not always get that their children have desires and emotional needs that need to be met and that can make their behaviour toxic.

Other parents may be more hostile and bitter towards their children and make their relationship with their children about them. If it’s left to manifest, any toxic situation can make people very stressed, not to mention ill.

6 Responses to “Our toxic lives”

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  1. Brad 17. Jun, 2016 at 9:45 pm #

    In my experience toxicity is part of the family scenario, so it can be difficult to get away from. I am a firm believer in putting space between those concerned and that certainly worked in my case.

    • Ilana 17. Jun, 2016 at 9:57 pm #

      Thank you. Yes I too believe space helps dissipate difficult and angry situations.

  2. Tim 18. Jun, 2016 at 5:08 pm #

    I feel drained of my substance when I’m around toxic people. It’s like being under the influence of a virus followed by an infection. So like Brad, I try to keep my distance and more.

    Sometimes it’s the most beautiful cutthroat people who kill you softly over time.

    • Ilana 18. Jun, 2016 at 10:29 pm #

      Thanks Tim. What an amazing analogy. I agree totally. For me, it’s probably less of the beautiful and more of the cut-throat.

      Sadly, it’s not something we easily notice; but when we look back that’s when we inevitably see the patterns that have been formed.

  3. Randy 18. Jun, 2016 at 8:27 pm #

    My parents were very toxic as was our dysfunctional lives, so it was what I became used to. I didn’t really know anything different, so it’s no surprise that I kept repeating the same patterns over and over!

    You live what you know became the running theme of my life and I always felt like I actually deserved to go through the horrible things that I did. I have watched so many others do the same thing over the years and kept wondering why; but now I finally know.

    It becomes the norm after so long, of living that way. The trick I imagine is to learn how to stop repeating those patterns and decide that we don’t have to suffer through those same things that we always did.

    • Ilana 19. Jun, 2016 at 7:07 am #

      Yes living a toxic life does become the norm when we continue to reinforce those toxic patterns.

      I couldn’t agree more Randy with your last paragraph. It’s so true. We must come to learn how to stop repeating those toxic patterns and decide that we don’t have to suffer. We can change.

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