It’s not right for us to throw a wrongdoing at someone else expecting them to apologise for us. Instead we must apologise for our own words and actions.
But apologies must be honest and truthful. We’ve got to mean it. An apology that is anything but honest and truthful isn’t worth apologising for. A true apology is universal and recognisable. It changes the way other people feel about us.
An apology that’s true doesn’t include the word ‘but I’m sorry if. ‘But’ simply serves to cancel out the apology and introduces an excuse. A true apology keeps the focus on our words and actions and not on the other person’s response. It’s important we learn to own our behaviour and our response.
A true apology also isn’t about apportioning blame. It’s about us recognising our part in the action and apologising for what we’ve done. It’s easy to blame others, expecting others to carry the flack instead of us owning our behaviour.
But there is no point to an apology if we choose to repeat the same behaviour patterns. An apology should be backed by corrective action, so others are aware change will follow. Apologies shouldn’t be used to silence another person.
When it comes to an apology, because it’s part of the healing process, no matter who is doing the apology, it is important we all understand the words behind the apology and know why the apology is there.