It is never right for us to throw our wrongdoings at someone else, expecting them to apologise for us. Instead we must apologise for our own words and actions.
Our apologies must be honest and truthful. We’ve got to mean the apology. An apology that is anything but honest and truthful isn’t worth apologising for. A true apology is universal and recognisable. It changes the way other people feel about us.
An apology that’s true doesn’t include the word ‘but I’m sorry if: ‘but’ simply serves to cancel out the apology and introduces an excuse. A true apology keeps the focus on our words and actions and not on the other person’s response. It is important we learn to own our behaviour and response.
A true apology isn’t about apportioning blame. It’s about us recognising our part in the action and apologising for what we’ve done. It’s easy for us to blame others, expecting others to carry the flack instead of us owning our behaviour.
There is no point in apologising if we choose to repeat the same behaviour patterns. An apology should be backed by corrective action, so others are aware change will follow. Apologies shouldn’t be used to silence another person.
Because an apology is part of the healing process, no matter who is doing the apologising, it is important we understand the words behind the apology and know why the apology is there.