Own your apologies

It is never right for us to throw our wrongdoings at someone else, expecting them to apologise for us. Instead we must apologise for our own words and actions.

Our apologies must be honest and truthful. We’ve got to mean the apology. An apology that is anything but honest and truthful isn’t worth apologising for. A true apology is universal and recognisable. It changes the way other people feel about us.

An apology that’s true doesn’t include the word ‘but I’m sorry if: ‘but’ simply serves to cancel out the apology and introduces an excuse. A true apology keeps the focus on our words and actions and not on the other person’s response. It is important we learn to own our behaviour and response.

A true apology isn’t about apportioning blame. It’s about us recognising our part in the action and apologising for what we’ve done. It’s easy for us to blame others, expecting others to carry the flack instead of us owning our behaviour.

There is no point in apologising if we choose to repeat the same behaviour patterns. An apology should be backed by corrective action, so others are aware change will follow. Apologies shouldn’t be used to silence another person.

Because an apology is part of the healing process, no matter who is doing the apologising, it is important we understand the words behind the apology and know why the apology is there.


5 Mar, 2019

4 thoughts on “Own your apologies

  1. I feel like I have spent most of my life apologizing for pretty much everything and mostly for the fact that I even exist.

    Because my parents buried us under a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse on top of everything that they put us through, it’s no wonder that I haven’t been able to break away from it.

    The hardest part has been fighting every day, most of the time not knowing what it was that I was fighting against. I feel like I have hit a brick wall once again and the one I’m fighting the most against is myself.

    I am just tired of dealing with people who make my life more difficult. I just need to figure out what direction it is that I need to go in, to escape this nightmare and so that I can finally move on with my life.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, when parents don’t own their guilt, it’s the children that carry the guilt. I can resonate with that.

      Where you say, ‘most of the time not knowing what it was that I was fighting against.’ It takes us a while to work everything out. It takes us even longer to work everything out around what we deal with.

      But with time and more work on yourself Randy, you’ll know what’s yours, what you’re okay to own and what you must let go of.

  2. Saying ‘sorry’ is something we find hard to do, so it’s not surprising that some people can’t bring themselves to do it at all.

    I believe we can all apologise for the things we say and of which hurt and learning about the consequences of the harm we do to others, leads us to why apologising is so important.

    I hear “I am sorry if…..” too many times. Never mind “if”. As you say own the apology, get on with it and learn from it.

    1. A lot of my earlier issues resulted in anger issues as a child and my anger got me into trouble, but my circumstances were unique and different.

      Knowing what I know now, means I shouldn’t have been forced to say sorry. My issues around a disability I didn’t know I had should have been dealt with, instead of me being left out in the cold.

      I agree with you, generally not saying sorry is a human trait and failing. We don’t want the consequences that follow with a non-apology, but we’re still not prepared to back down.

      Somehow we see it a slur on us. But it’s really not. It’s showing others you’re mature enough to accept where we have gone wrong. It ties in with what the universe expects of all of us. That is even more important.

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