Our past is something we’re constantly being reminded of, something we constantly fail to acknowledge or own, because our memories either don’t serve us, or hurt us, but will go on to impact us in our every day lives.
Perhaps we need to look at this scenario differently, at our past differently. We know we can’t change our past, our past together with our experiences are what makes us who we are now, but we need to simply work on owning those experiences. Our experiences belong to us we can’t change them.
Living in denial on the experiences that belong to us won’t help us. it just puts off the inevitable by us pretending those experiences aren’t real. Either way, it’s immaterial how we get to this place. We’re here, there’s nothing we can do about it, so there’s no use pointing the finger.
All the pointing of the finger does is make us feel worse, because we don’t get to re-write our experiences and we still have to own those experiences, but it also doesn’t help, unless the perpetrator is willing to accept their role in our experiences. I believe it’s important we reconcile our past regardless of who was initially instrumental or responsible.
If owning our past means being open about our experiences and finding an acceptance on those, then perhaps that’s what we need to do. It’s harder to do of course, if we’re dealing with guilt, particularly around physical abuse, because it’s easy to feel ashamed. But the shame we feel isn’t ours to own or accept.
Shame belongs to the person who made us to feel that way. If we can’t do anything about it, it’s important we let it go. If we can talk about our experiences and the situation presents itself, or even if it doesn’t, we can make it present itself. Either way we need to be open and honest with ourselves.
Owning our experiences, doesn’t in any way take away the other person’s role. That is for them to own, they are and always will be responsible, but what it does is give understanding of our experiences and that helps us let go.