Owning & letting go

Our past is something we’re constantly being reminded of, something we constantly fail to acknowledge or own, because our memories either don’t serve us, or because they hurt us, but our memories if not dealt with, will go on to impact us in our everyday lives.

We need to look at this scenario differently, at our past differently. We know we can’t change the past or our experiences, they make us who we are, but we must work on owning them. Our experiences belong to us, we can’t change or disown them.

Living in denial won’t help, it just puts off the inevitable by us pretending our experiences aren’t real. It’s immaterial how we get to this place. We’re here, there’s nothing we can do about it, so there’s no use us pointing the finger.

Pointing the finger will only make us feel worse, because we don’t get to re-write our experiences and we still have to own them. It also doesn’t help us, unless the perpetrator is willing to accept their role in how our lives turn out. It is important we reconcile our past, regardless of who was initially instrumental, or responsible for it.

If owning our past means being open about our experiences and finding an acceptance on those, then that’s what we must do. It’s harder to do if you’re dealing with guilt, around physical abuse, because it’s easy to feel ashamed. But remember shame isn’t yours to own or accept.

Shame belongs to the person who made you feel shamed. If you can’t do anything about it, it is important you let it go. If you can talk about your experiences and the situation presents, or even if it doesn’t, you can still talk. It is important we are open and honest with ourselves.

Owning our experiences, doesn’t in any way take away the other person’s role or responsibility. They are and always will be responsible, but what it does is give us understanding of our experiences and that helps us let it go.


1 Feb, 2017

6 thoughts on “Owning & letting go

  1. Peace is a concept I don’t know a lot about, but denial is something I’m very familiar with. My parents did a fantastic job of teaching me how to do that, seeing as they were in denial most of the time.

    They also dumped a mountain of guilt, shame and remorse on top of us; so it has been a monumental feat trying to sort through all of that. I long ago lost track of what was really mine and really theirs, because they made me feel responsible for everything. People wonder why I don’t think much of my parents but they didn’t go through my childhood.

    I am working so very hard on letting go of what I can, which is made so difficult by a person who doesn’t think I’ve done enough. It defeats the purpose when someone else is loading on even more crap at the same time.

    I would just like to have some peace and quiet for a change in my life, so I may have to let go of this person, which I’m about ready to do!

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, carrying a multitude of issues and baggage around with us, doesn’t help us find peace or at least work on it.

      Through our many experiences, we learn just how important it is to have the right people in our lives, to be selective where we can and to say what we need to say, when we can’t. To have other people off-load their problems, will of course make it even more difficult, particularly when we’re trying to sort our own issues out.

      None of this is easy and it’s something we inevitably learn on the job, as we go. Whatever our past, it is important we find an acceptance. We need to own our experiences, then let them go.

  2. I agree. We are only responsible for how we behave, not others so that is what we must own.

    We all work differently, but accepting our past and positively changing what needs changing is our responsibility. We can’t be responsible for the actions or words of others. That is of them to own and be answerable for.

    1. Thank you. Yes, we must own and be responsible for ourselves, for what we put out there.

      As a child our parents are responsible, but as the adult we then become responsible; but however we get to that point, I believe it’s important to own and let those experiences go.

  3. My experiences have been a kind of fuel; if I was weak, what I’ve been through made me strong.

    And I own it gladly because it enhanced my sense of well being.

    1. Thanks Tim. Like you I’ve had to be emotionally strong, but unfortunately, not everyone will manage to stay strong.

      Some of us will often become weaker and more disillusioned when we fail. I tend to think like you Tim. If I can learn from something, I own it and that gives me a sense of wellbeing.

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