Our past is something we’re constantly being reminded of, something we constantly fail to acknowledge or own, because our memories either don’t serve us, or because they hurt us, but our memories if not dealt with, will go on to impact us in our everyday lives.
We need to look at this scenario differently, at our past differently. We know we can’t change the past or our experiences, they make us who we are, but we must work on owning them. Our experiences belong to us, we can’t change or disown them.
Living in denial won’t help, it just puts off the inevitable by us pretending our experiences aren’t real. It’s immaterial how we get to this place. We’re here, there’s nothing we can do about it, so there’s no use us pointing the finger.
Pointing the finger will only make us feel worse, because we don’t get to re-write our experiences and we still have to own them. It also doesn’t help us, unless the perpetrator is willing to accept their role in how our lives turn out. It is important we reconcile our past, regardless of who was initially instrumental, or responsible for it.
If owning our past means being open about our experiences and finding an acceptance on those, then that’s what we must do. It’s harder to do if you’re dealing with guilt, around physical abuse, because it’s easy to feel ashamed. But remember shame isn’t yours to own or accept.
Shame belongs to the person who made you feel shamed. If you can’t do anything about it, it is important you let it go. If you can talk about your experiences and the situation presents, or even if it doesn’t, you can still talk. It is important we are open and honest with ourselves.
Owning our experiences, doesn’t in any way take away the other person’s role or responsibility. They are and always will be responsible, but what it does is give us understanding of our experiences and that helps us let it go.