We will always open ourselves up to others taking advantage, particularly when we’re asked to do something and we never say no, when we try to please people. People pleasing means we open ourselves up to others taking advantage, particularly when we’re asked to do something and we never say no.
As a form of acceptance we do it. Of course, when we eventually say no and we start to put ourselves first, the tone from the other camp can easily change. A little condescending and standoffish in parts, it’s always difficult to come back from another person’s condescending tone. As a child that’s all I did.
When that happens, perhaps on our part we must let go of how what is said, being personal to us. Their tone is their inability to accept we have a right to make our own decisions, based on our own values, wants and needs. It’s about how much value we place on ourselves, not other people’s value being placed on us.
It’s not also about being and looking for acceptance from others, we need to be accepting of ourselves. I never stopped recognising or rejecting other people’s behaviour, so I must have valued myself more than I thought. Others seem to give themselves permission to treat others less important than themselves and somehow that becomes acceptable and the norm, but that’s no more acceptable than us thinking we’re more important than they are.
We tend to let condescending, standoffish behaviour in, until such a time we struggle under the enormity of their behaviour and then we let rip. The other problem is that because we don’t always know to handle being caught up in that situation, we don’t always know what and how to say what we need to say and therefore we don’t.
Perhaps we think it easier not to, or perhaps we’re afraid of the backlash that comes with it. Perhaps that’s why we keep things sweet.