Petty & mean behaviour

4 Sep 2016

I am sure we’ve all come across people in our lives, the ones who are petty, mean and added to that, those who facilitate bad behaviour no matter what.

Those are the people who are selfish, only focused on themselves and their problems with their why me attitude, attempting to gain attention from those around them, who use manipulative behaviour, who will stop at nothing to paint themselves in a better light with the hope of making others around them look worse.

Although being open and honest about their behaviour can be difficult, particularly if their behaviour is centred towards us, I personally wouldn’t tell them. They’re consummate victims who are insecure, but that can never excuse what they do. Always justifying themselves, always excusing themselves. Their lives are simply about them.

When anyone gets to the stage of using petty and mean behaviour, they’ve already given up on themselves emotionally. Described by other people as angry, insecure, spiteful and bitter, they will stick at nothing to make other people’s lives a misery ready to bring other people down.

When anyone struggle’s emotionally, it is easy to elicit bad behaviour, without so much as a thought for anyone else, but it’s important in that situation, they take stock of their behaviour and begin to work on change.

Perhaps instead of them living in denial and making their problems about everyone else, those people should think about what they need to change.

4 Responses to “Petty & mean behaviour”

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  1. Tim 04. Sep, 2016 at 5:22 pm #

    We all have our fifteen minuets of attitude now and then, but some folks live with it every single second of their lives. It’s their hiding place, no matter how dark and reprehensible or whatever infection caused it.

    Sometimes you have to temporarily escape that kind of evil before it rubs off on you.

    • Ilana 04. Sep, 2016 at 5:32 pm #

      Thanks Tim. Yes, you’re right. I have come across people who have lived their lives, exactly as you describe. It’s always to temporarily escape the drama.

      From my own experiences, temporarily escaping any form of drama isn’t easy, neither is talking things through; particularly if the other person doesn’t see or agree with what you’re saying.

      It becomes inevitable that petty or mean behaviour will always rub off on to others, in the same way negative behaviour does.

  2. Randy 04. Sep, 2016 at 5:23 pm #

    I have dealt with this for most of my life, thinking this was how most people acted. My Mother was insanely mean and petty and seemed to enjoy teaching me how to be the same way.

    It wasn’t my Dad’s fault, or even ours that she wasn’t ever happy but she made sure to make it feel that way. Of course she wouldn’t just leave out of contempt for the thought of our father raising us, so we had to suffer through a horrible childhood.

    I often wondered why they even bothered, because it wasn’t like either of them really seemed to want to be parents. I have become a firm believer that people who don’t want to have kids should have that right to not be judged.

    I still see it happening with people online, whose lives really suck and they want everyone else’s lives to. They like to say that misery loves company, but I like to think it’s more like demands it!

    The reality is that they complain so much about how bad their life is, but refuse to do anything to change it. My Mom was one of those people who was always complaining, but never did much to make things better.

    My Dad certainly didn’t help because he made fun of her all the time, because she was very simple and so sensitive. (We only learned recently that she only had the mental capacity of a 10 year old.) There was always so much chaos and confusion with us usually getting stuck in the middle of it.

    I’m just now realizing that I don’t have to live that way anymore. I don’t have to accept dealing with those kind of people, if I don’t want to. It gets so very exhausting and depressing dealing with them on a regular basis.

    My being in AA for so long has shown me that it is possible for people to change if they really want to. You can also choose to sit and wallow in your pity pot, but that isn’t going to get you anywhere. I get to see people who have obviously done that their whole lives when I visit with my dad in the nursing home and it’s frightening.

    Chances are that I will end up with dementia, too and I really don’t want to end up like them! There are fates worse than death, in my mind.

    • Ilana 04. Sep, 2016 at 5:44 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes, it’s the same old adage, we want to change, but we don’t know how to change.

      It’s not that your mother didn’t want to change, given the opportunity to be shown how to change, I am sure she will have jumped at the chance. Why be petty and mean when you can be tolerant empathetic and compassionate.

      I think we’re all responsible for our own lives. Yes, we see our parents’ behaviour, but we can choose to either emulate their behaviour or we can learn from their behaviour and make those all important changes for ourselves.

      Parents’ often show children how not to do things. We copy the good things and change the things we either don’t agree with or don’t work for us; or our own children.

      I am sure AA has shown you a better way Randy. It’s a sanctuary for like minded individuals who want to do better with their lives. I believe you can live a different life to that of your parents; and go down a different path.

      We shouldn’t wait for things to happen. Be and take control. That’s what I try to do.

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