Problems with keeping secrets

The longer we keep a secret, the darker it becomes. Secrecy is associated with lower wellbeing, declining health and less satisfying relationships.

Secrecy has been linked to increased depression, symptoms of poor health and anxiety and in some cases the rapid progression of disease. Concealment of any secret is exhausting.

But the harm of keeping a secret doesn’t come from hiding it. The real issue is thinking about it. It’s almost inevitable, particularly if we’re continually in touch with the person we’re keeping the secret from.

For those who don’t admit they’re keeping a secret, unconsciously that isn’t true. Anyone who deals with something they’re keeping from someone else will know and will struggle to maintain, calm and peace in their life.

Anyone who keeps a secret will end up ruminating. Also, simply thinking about a secret can make us feel ill. Even the strongest willed person’s guard will eventually drop. Secrets are tiring, they can make us feel isolated and alone.

But for some of us that may not be a hardship. For example, a narcissist may often keep secrets and will spend their time in mental solitary confinement and will simply choose not to make those conscious connections. We can never know someone who spends their life keeping secrets.


22 May, 2021

2 thoughts on “Problems with keeping secrets

  1. Apparently we learn to keep secrets by the age of 5, usually to avoid being told off for something. I am an expert in that!

    For different reasons, as adults we keep secrets to protect ourselves, but keeping secrets can also hurt us too.

    Keeping secrets can affect our mental and emotional health, therefore the best thing to do, would be to confide in someone you trust, which will help change how you think about keeping secrets, for the better.

    1. Thanks. Keeping secrets is not a spiritual thing to do, so it’s not something I ever did. I was always honest. My conscience had to be clear and coming clean is everything to do with the conscience.

      Children worry if they know they have done something wrong, they will get told off. For some children, if their parents were more approachable and they could confide in them, they would be less secretive.

      Moving forward, for those who hide and keep secrets, it will have a marked effect on their relationships. It’s how that goes.

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