Projecting our insecurities

“Relationships fail when people take their own insecurities and project them as their partner’s flaws.” – Steve Maraboli

Quotes will either make us think about things, or will resonate with us in some way, either because we’ve seen it happen, or it’s been our own experience. Perhaps, therefore we need to ask the question, why some people will use their insecurities and project them as their partner’s flaws, as if their partners are somehow to blame for how they are.

No one seems to take responsibility for their insecurities, let alone their actions and although it happens in personal relationships, it’s also happening in society, in communities and in the wider world. It is also being played out on the centre stage in government.

We all live with insecurities and have issues to grapple with, some more than most, but if those insecurities are left to manifest themselves into our psyche, they will eventually begin to change the way we see and deal with our partners and that can’t make for a happy or long-lasting relationship.

But it’s unfair that we choose not to take responsibility for ourselves and instead insist on making our insecurities and issues about our partners. For some couples their relationships may stagnate, for others their relationships may fail.

Despite those scenarios, we still continue to tell ourselves there’s nothing wrong with us. When we make our lives about someone else, we’re convincing ourselves there’s nothing wrong with us and that’s not true. There’s everything wrong with us.

Whether we have insecurities or not, relationships shouldn’t be about passing those off, they should be about making the best of what we have and building on that and working through our insecurities.


16 Sep, 2018

2 thoughts on “Projecting our insecurities

  1. Yes, I know this feeling all too well since I have been in this kind of relationship far too many times, especially in the past 12 years.

    Everything is usually my fault since I haven’t done everything the way my girlfriend would and most of the time I only think of myself. My mother was this way towards me, so it’s no wonder I have been repeating the same patterns, but with different women.

    It really isn’t fair to me considering what I have done for her over the years and especially the past couple of years. Most women would be thrilled to be with a guy who does things like takes out a car loan in his name to get her a new car, I would hope.

    Our relationship has been stagnant for a very long time but I think it’s time to finally pull the plug and move on, for my own sanity’s sake.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, you’ve got to do what you have to do for your own sanity, you’re right. You don’t want to make yourself sick.

      You mentioned a point about your mum Randy. I’ve heard it said this is what we do, but on a subconscious level.

      But now you know the patterns, perhaps you can work to change certain aspects of your life. I believe it’s necessary if you are going to have the life and relationship you deserve to have.

      I find it both sad and selfish that relationships fail when people take their own insecurities and project them as their partner’s flaws, as if their partners are somehow to blame for how they are.

      But at least you know none of this is down to you Randy.

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