Putting a lid on abuse

A recent documentary about the victims of Michael Jackson made me think about my own circumstances and how in a relatively short space of time we come to normalise our experiences of abuse.

When we think about abuse everything about it begins to feel normal. It’s easier that way, rather than us having to confront the inevitable. But that can’t make our life easier, if anything it makes it harder, because walking away from any type of abuse means the fear of the unknown.

We’re more comfortable with the familiar however bad that is than we are having to walk into something that feels less than familiar. I could resonate with certain parts of their story, understanding their pain as if that pain were my own.

When it comes to documentaries on abuse, people will form their own opinions, even though they may never really know. Unless anyone walks a mile in another person’s shoes they can never know, but instead we must listen, try to understand and empathise.

When it comes to any type of abuse, we live with guilt and become incredibly loyal until the time is right for us to talk about our truth and this is what the documentary does. Until that time we unconsciously live our lives. Our conscious thoughts, on whether what we’re doing is right or wrong doesn’t come into it.

But everyone has a right to tell their story, whether the person that hurt them is still alive or not. The universal truths is what victims will base their experiences on, and those truths never lie.


13 Mar, 2019

4 thoughts on “Putting a lid on abuse

  1. It never ceases to amaze me how you end up writing about the exact subjects I am dealing with at the time. I have been in hiding since Sunday night staying with a friend, as I’m having to deal with a domestic violence situation.

    I have been used and abused by this person for a long time. It finally came to a head when I was threatened with being accused of rape, if I had called the police about her behavior.

    People wonder why it is that victims stay and I have to say now that I really know. They create an environment where you’re more afraid of the unknown, rather than trying to attempt to escape, which other people can’t even begin to comprehend.

    1. Thanks Randy, that’s kind. I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope you’re okay.

      Yes, it’s difficult to know what life awaits us the other side of domestic abuse, but for me I would rather feel safe with the unknown than non-safe in a life with domestic abuse.

      You already have your answer of what you need to do Randy. When someone threatens in that way, it’s time to move on.

  2. I agree Ilana. When someone is abusing you it’s time to move on. You know abuse is evil but you think it’s going to turn out good, but it won’t.

    Shame on the parents in the case of Micheal Jackson.

    1. Where you comment Tim, ‘you know abuse is evil but you think it’s going to turn out good, but it won’t’ that is why abuse victims don’t get out.

      Too many times the perpetrators are given a second chance, the victims believing that they will change. That never happens, as the Michael Jackson case shows. But victims must have more support and must be believed more.

      As I finished off in my blog, the universal truths is what victims base their experiences on, and those truths never lie.

      Speaking out about abuse is merely a timing issue. It has to be the right time for the victims, whether the perpetrators are alive or not.

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