Recognising others’ issues

The more we fail to understand what we struggle with, the more we will fail to understand what others struggle with too.

It’s far easier to know how to help others than it is to help ourselves, unless of course we have no idea how to help ourselves. Issues always seem simpler in other people’s eyes, just like other people’s problems seem simple to us. Perhaps it’s got something to do with the fact that other people’s problems aren’t our problems, so there is no pressure to sort the problem out.

Perhaps it’s also the fact that some of us are good at sorting our issues out and tend not to over-complicate things, where others may continually complicate things. It also depends on whether the issue is life changing. But unless we’re thinking clearly, the issue may always seem distorted.

Although it’s easy to distance ourselves from other people’s issue and see things clearer on what they deal with, it’s not always easy for us to do it for ourselves. Where others might try to help us with our issue, we tend to have to protect ourselves from the fear surrounding it.

The fear and anxiety of what I have to deal with feels worse, than the problem itself. It’s our fears to our issues that give rise to us feeling more apprehensive and fearful, where someone else looking at our issue won’t feel those things, because they’re emotionally detached.


28 Nov, 2017

4 thoughts on “Recognising others’ issues

  1. I remember Abigail, she was noticeably poor and we were in preschool together. Inside my young mind, I recognized her issues and I empathized, almost to the point of tears.

    And to this very day, I still think of her, her distress piled on top of distress and my young mind feeling bad about that.

    1. Thanks Tim. Our life is our life and there isn’t anything we can do about it. It was up to this girl’s family to help her. Without the support, we muddle through.

      I wouldn’t feel bad, because your young mind wasn’t equipped to be able to help her at that time. You were only young yourself. It wasn’t your place to take an adult role.

      The fact that you were able to recognise her issues and empathise with her is something you can feel proud about. Not many children are able to do that.

  2. I had a friend who was a single mother of 3 who got remarried (to a really bad guy) had 2 more children, then he kicked her out of their house and divorced her and kept her kids. He brainwashed them.

    She went from house to house, trying to stay from sleeping on the streets (rent here is criminally high) and she had a good paying job, just not good paying enough for California.

    I had her come stay with us and it was almost like I didn’t even know my friend anymore. Spent 3 yrs trying to help, buying her food, helping with rent and putting gas in her car and I was more than happy to do that. I felt so bad.

    But when she moved in, we noticed her using her paychecks to go out to restaurants and driving 100 miles to meet different men she met online. After 2 months we had to ask her to leave because we were obviously being taken advantage of.

    I feel bad for her situation, but she wasn’t willing to help herself and was letting everyone pay her way. I felt betrayed and embarrassed and angry at her, because it affected my own family. We were best friends for 12 yrs.

    This happened just over a year ago and it still really bothers me. She wasn’t the friend I thought she was.

    1. Thanks Bonnie. I feel for you. We may recognise other people’s issues and yes, we want to help and it’s right to want to help of course, but the people we’re helping, must want to help themselves first.

      Even though we’re reluctant to make the decisions we make, based on what’s being presented; sometimes we have no alternative.

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