Reducing our stress

The day we become assertive is the day our life changes, is the day we take control back, is the day other people’s lives become harder, is the day our stress levels become reduced. It changed my life.

Not being assertive enough, can make us feel powerless to control things in our life. Not being assertive enough can lead us being less content in ourselves and that can lead to feelings of frustration and anger, which adds to more stress. By us taking control of our lives, we become more assertive. To reduce stress further, we must also learn to change the way we think about things by bringing understanding into the equation.

Being assertive doesn’t mean walking over people. Being assertive simply means addressing our own needs so that we’re able to live our lives productively in the way we choose to live. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take advice from others. That can still happen, but what it means is we have the final say on our decisions.

Being assertive also means that we stop others from bullying or coercing us into doing things we don’t want to do. In the longer term if we’re not assertive enough, we will either become passive or aggressive. Being passive doesn’t work because it means others will try to control us when we fail to stand up for ourselves, and on occasions it may also mean the pendulum swinging too far the other way, when we become aggressive as a result.

It is important we learn how to handle people in a balanced way without the pendulum being swung to far the other way, with us becoming ‘passive aggressive.’

But I believe we can achieve more by bringing understanding to the table. When we come to understand other people’s reactions and can reconcile where we are and how we got to where we are, we are less likely to retaliate and that reduces stress.

9 Aug, 2018

4 thoughts on “Reducing our stress

  1. Reducing my stress would be a fantastic idea considering my circumstances. I live with someone who makes me feel like I need to walk on eggshells all the time so that I don’t upset her and it reminds me way too much of my childhood.

    The worst part is that I have tolerated being treated this way for far too long, which makes no logical sense but makes perfect sense by the fact that I was brainwashed into accepting it. My friend keeps asking me why I put up with it, but he doesn’t quite understand the concept of you live what you know.

    Even as truly as insane as it is, part of me knows that it would be the sane thing to do to get out of this situation and the other part keeps me paralyzed not knowing how to actually do it.

    What it comes down to is having to do the one thing I despise doing and that’s asking for help. I was raised in a world where asking for help was something we were discouraged from doing, seeing as we were made to feel like there wasn’t anybody there to help.

    People my age are supposed to know how to get things done, like how to rent an apartment, or buy a car, but nobody ever showed us how to do those things in a normal and logical way.

    I just find it embarrassing to end up feeling like a little kid who doesn’t know anything and having to ask for help when I should know how to do things, but I don’t always do.

    I think it makes it 100 times worse when I know I’m pretty smart but have just made a lot of very stupid choices in life because I didn’t know any better.

    I just want to be able to live my life without having the stress of someone breathing down my neck, which would be fantastic for a change.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, it’s important we all find ways to reduce stress. No matter our upbringing, we must continue to think things through for ourselves.

      Initially we ‘live what we know’ but we cannot keep singing from the same hymn book and expect our lives to change. We must be proactive. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes.

      What matters is we look for ways to reduce our stress. I don’t think you’re alone. I am sure at one point or another, we’ve all made mistakes, done things we’re not proud of, but life renews.

      Time changes us, we mature, we grow and we move on with our thinking. But it’s important we continue to observe life, so that we don’t go on to make the same mistakes.

  2. I think the main reason for unassertive behaviour is a fear of what might happen if we are assertive.

    I suspect that we could all do with assertiveness training to help us express our own opinion and feelings, saying no without feeling guilty, setting our own priorities and asking for what we want.

    Unfortunately, this is often seen as uncooperative and difficult behaviour and as Randy says it is easier just to live the life that we know, but that doesn’t do anyone any good in the long run.

    1. Thanks. There is definitely a skill to ‘being assertive’ with us getting our point across in a way that doesn’t undermine the other person.

      But I think your second paragraph sums up your response beautifully. It’s massively important we express our own opinions and feelings, saying ‘no’ where we feel it’s appropriate without feeling guilty.

      From my own experiences, whenever we say no it will always be seen as uncooperative, and although that can create stress, in the longer term it will begin to decrease our stress.

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