Relationships within families

What is it about families that can make our life difficult, in some cases almost intolerable? They say it’s the nature of families, but I think it’s the nature of certain individuals.

Unfortunately, they can be opinionated, controlling and judgmental. They might also be annoying, but it’s probably the annoying bit that irritates us the most, but the other three things aren’t great either.

Perhaps we must learn not to sweat the small stuff, to let go of the things that in the bigger picture mean very little. Often too many of the small unresolved things turn into the bigger things, when we continue to carry them emotionally. We need to be okay with things and let them go, instead of being irritated by them.

It’s an internal emotional shift that allows us to acknowledge a new parody in the art of letting go. Although some families, or certain individuals in families, have a knack of pushing our buttons that is made worse, when we have an idea in our heads of how we would like things to be. We tend to see others as a mirror image of ourselves and when that doesn’t happen, we become irritated.

It’s important family members see and understand their own failings and how what they do and say affects us. They must take responsibility and be prepared to challenge their own words and actions.

19 Nov, 2016

6 thoughts on “Relationships within families

  1. My guess would have to be that there are certain ideas of what a family is supposed to be like when things are nothing like what normal is. Parents are supposed to take care of their children, instead we ended up being the ones taking care of them.

    Children are supposed to love their parents no matter what. Siblings should always get along and do things to support each other.We grew up in a Brady Bunch kind of world, but I know for me it was nothing like any TV show I have seen, other than shameless. People tend to do a lot of shoulding on others, which explains so many of the troubles in the world today.

    The reality is that my mom has passed on, and my dad will get there soon enough, so part of me will actually be relieved. I’m hoping I won’t feel so guilty then about airing our dirty laundry for all to see, since it must have been glaringly obvious to people what was going on in our home.

    My siblings and I have gone our separate ways and will probably never be as close as we were as kids agin. They have become people I no longer know, other than the fact that we are biologically linked by DNA. I even have extended family in the area and the only time I see most of them is at funerals. We just don’t have the kind of relationships that people expect families to have.

    What it comes down to is the fact that we’re what I like to call familiar strangers. Part of me wants to forge relationships with them, but another part resents them for not saving us when they could have. My Uncle finally came out and told me that a lot of times they didn’t even know where we were, which actually makes sense since we moved around a lot.

    I’m trying to figure out ways to work on healing the past, but it isn’t always that easy. Even my daughter expects me at times to do more research into our genealogy, when I get tired of more skeletons falling out of the closet every time I do.

    What I will probably have to end up doing is putting together a family of my own choosing, which is fine by me.

    1. Yes they say family is thicker than water, something my mum used to quote, but the reality for many of us is it couldn’t be further from the truth.

      It’s not easy letting go of the past, we can’t change the past, but I believe we can find ways to move on from it. Perhaps we must stop caring as much, I like the term you used Randy. Familiar strangers is a good terminology.

      Family are definitely familiar, but can act like strangers. It obviously depends on the family and the circumstances of course.

      A sad reflection of society today, more so than with our parents and their parents’ generation.

  2. Yes, my experiences of families have been slightly mixed over the years. Families can either be a massive support or can be a constant drain on our emotional health.

    My experience has mostly been the latter for some of the reasons outlined in your blog. Great blog, thank you.

  3. Like always, I’m still holding my family together by a string; that’s what I do, that’s what I’ve always done. But I’m not smart enough to help people who have selfish instincts, most of the time.

    Anyway, if I had a way to make my family see that unity is the defining factor, I wouldn’t have to stare stupidity in the face.

    1. You never could hold your family together Tim that’s the sad reality; but that doesn’t stop your family expecting you to do it. They need to start helping themselves.

      We’re not fundamentally here to hold our family together, but that’s what we end up doing until we say No. Perhaps that’s what’s wrong with the world, we’re not taking control for ourselves and yet we expect others to carry us.

      The help has to come from us first. I’ve heard this quote repeated many times before and I believe it, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’ We must come to help ourselves first.

      Families should be about unity, but nowadays families seem far from united.

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