Repeating history

Many of us will go on to repeat history instead of creating our own, because we see our parents’ failing as ours. We think there will be a correlation between our parents’ life and our own and that if our parents fail, we will fail.

I believe that isn’t the case or that it has to happen. We get to choose to change the way we perceive our own lives and how we get to live the life we have, or want. We can choose not to emulate the behaviour of our parents so that history doesn’t end up repeating itself.

16 Jun, 2014

8 thoughts on “Repeating history

  1. I don’t see my parents as failures, but they could have done things a little different where us kids were concerned.

    I do treat my kids differently than my parents treated us. I try to treat them as equals and then different also, where as my parents did treat my sister and I as different as night and day all the time. I see my parents as being successful.

    My father was in the Air Force for a while and came back home and took on a job and fatherhood very well. My mom had a degree in business and had a successful job until she retired due to breast cancer. They had the American dream as I see it. A job, a home and a family.

    My father eventually ran the family business until he passed. I have a different goal than my parents had. I will one day finish my degree and have my own business. I’m strong willed when it comes to goals and keeping them if they mean a lot to me.

    1. Thanks Lisa. Sometimes the way we see our parents isn’t always how our parents see themselves. That is true of my father. I saw him as a successful business person, but he didn’t see that himself. He would argue that very point!

      If our parents struggle, we may think we’ll struggle because they have. If our parents split up, we worry our relationship will go the same way. I believe our environment and our ability to work through our lives are often passed on through our parents.

      The more instrumental they are conducting their lives, the more we will be instrumental too.

  2. Yes there’s a lot to be said for the expression, “Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it!”

    Quite often I feel like I have been through this a few times already and it won’t stop until I learn the lesson that I’m supposed to learn! My parents should have never had children together, considering they barely knew how to take care of themselves!

    We grew up being considered “Poor White Trash” which doesn’t exactly give you any incentive to do much better than that, if that’s what even your own family thinks of you.

    My girlfriend was just called “White Trash” yesterday and that’s the one label I hate the most! The worst part is that it came from her own half-niece who seems to think she’s so much better than us. Long story short, it is taking all I have not to go to this girl and tell her exactly what I think of her.

    I can see how much this has crushed my girlfriend, so I may have to deal with this in my own way which will really upset a lot of people. I sure as Hell never chose to have the issues I’ve had so they have a lot of nerve judging us so harshly!

    I had really planned on breaking the cycle after reading all the self-help books when I was young and knowing what needed to be done to do so. Untreated mental illness and alcoholism took me down a much darker path so I made a lot of the same mistakes my parents had!

    They weren’t exactly stellar role models so I didn’t exactly know a whole different as far as how to live. I can only try to change how I live now so I try to avoid repeating any more history than I already have.

    1. Thanks Randy. You are right when you say, ‘you can only try to change how you live now, so you avoid repeating what your parents have done before you.’ That’s all any of us can do. If we can learn and change our present from our parents’ mistakes, we will have achieved greatly.

      What you describe about your girlfriend’s half niece I believe to be a family trait. I’m not sure why certain family (and sure most of us will have had this) feel they’re better than other family. I know the opposite to be true. Perhaps society, our environment, peer pressure, following the Jones’ is to be blame.

      Sorry you’ve had to go through this. No child should have to be subject to this kind of behaviour.

  3. I have often said the best lesson our parents teach us, is how not to do things and if that is the case then it is our responsibility to change things so that we do things differently and hopefully better.

    If we don’t do that then nothing has changed and no lessons have been learned.

  4. I know it’s hard not to follow in our parents foot steps but we must look at their mistakes as something we should learn from.

    For instance, when Mom was growing up, her older sister got pregnant out of wedlock. When she raised us she always reminded us what a hard life our auntie had as a result of that pregnancy. Believe me, that was ingrained in my memory and made sure that didn’t happen to me.

    My stepdad was an alcoholic. Mom always warned us to stay away from people like that. I ended up in a second marriage with one, but luckily next month will be his 2 year sobriety anniversary. Sometimes love can help someone change their bad ways.

    That was something I learned on my own by living it. To tell you the truth, I would have never believed I would marry someone with that kind of problem, but we are working through it and so far we’ve become much closer by working together.

    1. Thanks Maria. I agree with you that we should use our parents’ experiences and mistakes as something we can learn from. Your analogy about your mother’s sister is a good example.

      I love the fact that even through hard times you’re determined to stay strong. It’s not easy helping anyone who is struggling with an alcoholic problem; you’re both committed to working through this problem and should come through together much stronger.

      Half the battle for anyone dealing with an alcohol problem is their will to want to sort the problem out. Keep up the good work.

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