Resentment & abuse

The more we hold resentment in our hearts, the more we will hand out abuse. Abuse starts at the point resentment starts to outweigh compassion.

If you find yourself dwelling on something that’s said by someone that you know has upset you, or your conversations are loaded, or if you keep going back to the same issue, you are holding resentment.

Resentment is a misguided attempt to transfer pain to others, in the form of emotional abuse. If left to grow, resentment will leave us bitter and hostile. When we start to blame others, our thought processes will often result in a sense of us being self-righteous, which will temporarily make us feel better.

But from a negative life with negative experiences, feeling resentful will bubble away under the surface, for as long as we allow it. By the time we’re aware, we’re already feeling bitter and angry about our circumstances and how our lives have turned out.

Resentment isn’t something that goes away unless we deal with it, it’s something that over time will become our very focus. We don’t always know we hold on to resentment, but the symptoms I describe will eventually make us aware.


2 Dec, 2018

4 thoughts on “Resentment & abuse

  1. ‘Resentments are the number one offenders’ as it says in the AA Big Book. So many people harbor resentments that bother them to the point of drinking again, which is never a good thing.

    I have held on to so many myself which has kept me emotionally crippled and paralysed for far too long. I’m sure this is why I have tolerated my current living situation for so long as I harbor resentment against the way my girlfriend has always treated me.

    Of course it doesn’t do me any good even when she pestered me into putting the apartment in my name, once I got subsidized housing seeing as she still didn’t appreciate any of my efforts.

    The reality is, even as much as it irritates me, I will have to be the one to let go of the resentment and move on, for my own sanity’s sake.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, my advice would be to do what’s right for you so that you can stop harbouring resentment.

      As you say, harbouring resentment has ‘kept you emotionally crippled and paralysed.’ Resentments eats at us emotionally and can make us ill.

      We get one crack at the life thing. It’s important we stop holding on to resentment and deal with our life in a way that benefits us and move on.

  2. I remember reading that life is short and time spent feeling angry or resentful is time wasted.

    The article went on to suggest steps to counter those feelings by questioning the motive for your feelings, trying to think positively about the person concerned and realising you have everything you need to be happy by changing the way you think about things.

    As you say, by holding on to resentment we hurt ourselves, so it’s really important that we try to let those feelings go.

    1. Thanks. Yes, having resentment if we let it eats away inside of us and can make us ill.

      The sad reality is that where we hold on to resentment we become trapped in a cycle of being angry in the present and resentful over our past, one of which we can change, the other we must deal with.

      Speaking from a lifetime of negativity, and I have seen resentment, we must use what we’ve experienced and find a way to channel our experiences positively.

      Resentment serves to fuel anger and bitterness towards those who have hurt us. It really is important we let those feelings go.

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