Saying what we feel

It’s because we care that we say what we feel: it’s usually the act, rather than the deed that gets us into trouble. Although we may get to say what we feel, others won’t admit they could have handled themselves better.

It’s also a shame that others aren’t honest with us when we come to say what we feel. When the other person goes on the defensive and makes the issue about us, getting where we want to be will be difficult. Being true to our feelings, to ourselves is something we must continue to do.

But for those who lack the courage or confidence to say what they feel, it’s something they must learn to overcome. In the long-term not saying what you feel, adds to anxiety and will create illness. There can be no peace in not saying what’s on your mind.

Anything unspoken will always bubble away below the surface, until eventually the pressure mounts, we lose our perspective and the truth is lost. If the truth isn’t lost and we’re upset, something will bleat out.

It’s always better to say something when things are clear and before our feelings take over. There is never a right time to speak out. What we say tends to rest on how the other person feels and where they are in their own personal space.

28 Jul, 2017

6 thoughts on “Saying what we feel

  1. In the world I grew up in, how I felt didn’t matter most of the time. Even if we were able to speak up, our words fell on deaf ears, so eventually we stopped talking altogether, which isn’t a very pleasant way to grow up.

    This tends to give you the complex of, why even bother? which makes life hardly seem worth living and I would lead to a lot of the depression. I would think that this would be a form of ‘Stockholm syndrome’ where you end up becoming attached to your captors even though you are their prisoner.

    This would explain the how in my situation, as to how it is that I can tolerate being treated this way, but still doesn’t always explain the why of it.

    We live what we know unfortunately as I often say.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes sadly we do, unless we opt out and that is our choice.

      As the adult, we get to choose how we live our lives. As a child, I would quietly refer myself to a ‘seen and not heard’ child. As you say it didn’t really matter what we had to contribute, our parents weren’t listening and if they were listening, they didn’t respond.

      We tend to go with what we know, you’re absolutely right, but going with what we know doesn’t make that right. I was aware (probably from my teens) how things were growing up and promised myself that I would choose to do things differently.

      We can’t change things whilst our lives stay the same with the same people in it, particularly if those people are the ones we struggle with, but inevitably circumstances do change, time moves on and we need to move on with it.

      Through all of that, I still believe it’s important we say what we feel. Having our own voice is important, if we want to change things for ourselves.

  2. We have to learn to say what we feel as it doesn’t come naturally. I completely agree, it’s better to talk things through than to bottle them up, as that’s how resentment builds and then we let loose in an argument.

    Like Randy, I never bothered expressing feelings when I was young. No one cared about how I felt so why should I ? I have learned this is wrong and we have encouraged our children to speak about how they feel.

    1. As you say it’s important to talk about how you feel. Not to increases disharmony and illness.

      As any parent will tell you, it’s a job well done, when their children learn to express themselves. It’s the backbone and foundation to all relationships.

  3. I think it’s the unknown that keeps us from speaking our mind in the first place. A fear the other person will retaliate in someway that would end in catastrophe.

    I’m afraid sometimes that I will lose it, if I say what I’m feeling and here lately I end up forgetting about it anyway.

    1. Thanks Lisa. You’re absolutely right. It is the unknown, that stops us from saying what we feel, for sure.

      I think you’re in a different emotional space after your health scare. I think we have to say something, but it’s important we do it before we lose it.

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