Selfless vs selfish

Being selfless is a way of life, a lifestyle choice and a single act and that is what the universe expects us to do.

By thinking about and helping others, without a desire or a need to get something back, means we are being selfless. Being selfless is something we should all aspire to. But to become selfless, we must choose to work on and like ourselves. We cannot be selfless without it.

We may often neglect ourselves, often because we don’t want others to think we are being selfish, but others thinking that is completely selfish. We’re perfectly entitled to think about ourselves.

But taking care of ourselves is not selfish, it simply means that our needs are being met and that helps us build a solid foundation. By us being able to look after ourselves, we’re best placed to look after others.

For those of us who aren’t happy, but think that giving can make us happy, are sadly mistaken because that will never work. When we give and continue to expect something back, we can never be happy. The act of expecting something back in itself is selfish.

You cannot give unless you have something to give. You also need to mix your passion with being practical. If you want to give more to others, you have to give more to yourself.

13 Apr, 2018

4 thoughts on “Selfless vs selfish

  1. What a big difference there is between the two. I was raised in a world where I was forced to be selfless, giving everything that I possibly could and more, when nothing I seemed to do was ever enough.

    My mother so often laid on the guilt, shame and remorse, making me feel so very selfish for wanting anything for myself, so eventually I would give in and give her what she wanted.

    I was expected to be her ’emotional teddy bear’ when it wasn’t right for a parent to expect this from their child, especially when talking about things that no child should be forced to talk about with a parent.

    I’m sure that this is why I have ended up in the same type of relationships time after time, but just with different women and why I still feel like there isn’t any way out of the one I’m in now.

    The most insane part of this situation is that she actually thinks I’m selfish and only think of myself when the opposite has been true.

    90% of what I have been done, is to make her life better; while giving up most of what I would like to do or have. Being selfish just isn’t in my training or my forced nature, so I do consider it to be highly insulting when people try to tell me that I am.

    I actually need to learn how to be selfish and that it’s okay to take care of myself, which I need to do considering my age and health issues which I haven’t focused on for most of my life.

    What has happened is that I have tended to give everything to the type of people who so often don’t give much of anything in return and wondering why I was left feeling so used and abused in the end.

    It is definitely a delicate balance between being selfless and selfish.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, for those who find fault, they would probably always find fault. It’s not your job to convince others. You know what you are and that should be good enough.

      The other problem we have, is that as we give; others expect us to continue to give and when we don’t, they usually come back in with something to say.

      But through all of that we must be true to ourselves and look after ourselves, because I’ve done the people pleasing bit and that doesn’t work.

  2. Being selfless is part of a whole; we must think and act with others in mind, so I agree this starts with ourselves.

    But there will also be times when being selfish is important too. Sometimes we need to put our objectives before others and that’s okay too, if there are good reasons for doing so.

    1. Your response particularly resonates with me. It’s absolutely on the money, but it’s not what others think sadly, but perhaps it’s something they should think about.

      If the shoe were on the other foot they would expect nothing less from us.

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