The cycle of blame

The most obvious way of others apportioning blame is us being told we are to blame. Blame isn’t always down to us, but directed at us. It’s their guilt enforced on us. It’s in families, in society, in the wider world.

The expression ‘elephant in the room’ refers to a problem, a topic of conversation in the past that no one wants to talk about, or wants to discuss because it’s uncomfortable, is part of the cycle of blame.

With the ‘elephant in the room’ you don’t have to be in the same house to feel the tension. But it’s not our uncomfortable. It is important others understand the reasoning behind our decisions.

It depends on the subject, not all subjects are political, or inflammatory. But people will always have to make decisions that others may not be happy or comfortable with, but as my story shows, the decisions we make are usually for good reason.

We must own what’s ours and take responsibility for what we put out there. We must understand our lives, we must accept we are to blame when we are to blame, instead of assigning blame on others all the time.

It’s allowing ourselves to heal and moving away from the cycle of blame.


15 Jan, 2020

2 thoughts on “The cycle of blame

  1. My parents never came out directly to say they were to blame for their problems, but they surely went well out of their way to make us feel that way.

    People always like to mention the ‘elephant in the room’ but in both our cases, it was more like the whole herd was stampeding through there.

    I had contemplated at one time working to break the cycle, but I waited far too long and it ended very badly. I always used to enjoy blaming my parents for how screwed up I was, but at a certain point it doesn’t work any longer.

    I have made many poor choices in my life and have had to accept responsibility for them. I need to stop making those same poor choices, and break the cycle before it’s too late.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, as you say, ‘at a certain point it doesn’t work any longer ‘- we must take back control for ourselves and make our lives work.

      We are responsible for ourselves as adults, even if our parents are responsible for us as children. We can’t continue to lay the blame at their door and on their part, they must take responsibility for their actions.

      Continuing to blame them is counterproductive in the longer term. It may make us initially feel better, but will only serve to make us more angry.

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