The nature of family

The family unit although in theory sounds harmonious, in practice doesn’t always turn out like that.

The nature of family is such that they have different opinions, different personalities, different values and different beliefs. Animosity brought about through jealousy is also part of the family scenario and it is all of those things that have been known to drive a wedge between family members.

Family circumstances change and that changes the family dynamics. Parents go through their own challenges and that brings about uncertainties. Blending families are now also commonplace in society, often as the result of the breakdown of the traditional family structure that also brings change in the family dynamics.

Emotional issues, financial problems and stress are also other reasons why parents don’t get it right. They aren’t always emotionally equipped to take on such a challenge and although children make their lives right in one way, they can also bring about more stress in another as they grow and become more demanding, making a parent less equipped to cope.

The way things are the family unit doesn’t always work, but we can always work to change that; work on how our parents parented us, so that we change the way we parent with our own children.

This blog is dedicated to Bobbi Kristina and her family. RIP Bobbi Kristina.

29 Jul, 2015

6 thoughts on “The nature of family

  1. Family is something I always wanted but never really had a chance to enjoy as a child.

    Most of what we saw was how well our extended family was doing, while we lived like Gypsies without much to hang on to. My parents didn’t set a very good example of what a ‘normal’ life could be like! A sense of family wasn’t something I knew a whole lot about, until I spent many years in AA and learned what it could be like.

    People nowadays seem to have lost the ability to make those long lasting connections, which is truly sad. I think that’s why I enjoyed living in ‘small town America’ because people took care of each other and actually enjoyed being part of a community.

    We grew up watching shows like ‘Little House On The Prairie’ and ‘The Brady Bunch,’ which only served to remind us of what we didn’t have at home. My parents seemed unable to grasp the concept of what growing up in such a dysfunctional environment was doing to us.

    We were really isolated from the outside world because we weren’t exactly allowed to be a part of it. People often think we’re harsh and insensitive with the way we talk about our parents, but they didn’t have to survive through what we did.

    I have actually enjoyed living in the same area for the past 20+ years considering the way my life used to be! People would probably consider my life to be very boring and uneventful, but it works for me. This is the area I have always seemed to end up back in and the place I consider to be my home.

    It would be great if I could be closer to the relatives who live around here, but the reality is that we are strangers to each other. I have a rough idea of what a ‘family’ should be, but what I do have is what I’ve had to make of it!

    1. ‘But what I do have is what I’ve had to make of it!’ I absolutely love your last sentence Randy. That’s the way it should be.

      It’s not right or fair that you grew up in the environment you describe, but you’re paving the way for yourself to be able to live your life in your own and that’s all you can do.

      At least you recognise your parents’ failings and that’s good. Some of us go through life not recognising anything. When we begin to recognise our life in this way, we’re more in a position to turn things around.

      From what you say Randy, it sounds like the family you wish you had with your own family, you have through your contacts at AA. It doesn’t matter where family come from as long as we can relate and have others there as we should be there for them. It’s a two way street.

  2. Growing up, the main problem of my family was a lack of communication. It was like we intimidated each other and had no clue how to relate with each other. It still continues to be the same.

    In my present family there are different views that can cause tension if we are not careful.

    1. Your story is familiar, I recognise some of those traits. This is why the family scenario doesn’t always work. No family should intimate each other. They should be held together through love, empathy, compassion, tolerance and patience.

      In this fast paced materialistic, peer pressured world children are growing up in, there is less opportunity for parents to get things right. I really do think families need to go back to basics and come together emotionally, so that they’re at least more tolerant of each other.

      If there is more tolerance, there will be patience and compassion to go around. I think families often have the wrong priorities brought about through outside pressures.

  3. I have yet to meet a family that gets it right. That is certainly true for mine and for extended immediate family. I often laugh that I must have been swopped at birth and yet I really don’t see any reason why it should be like this.

    Why can’t people siblings and parents simply respect and support each other without the negativity, animosity and jealousy that is so prevalent?

    As you say, your lessons have shown you how not to parent, so have mine. What impact this behaviour has on children long term and how they parent; if they choose to, remains to be seen.

    1. I’m not sure any parent or siblings will know why they simply can’t respect and support each other, without the negativity, animosity and jealousy. They probably think they’re not doing anything wrong. I’m not sure any one likes to admit their own faults.

      I agree with you that many families don’t get it right, but would hope that children who parents’ do make every effort will lead by their parents’ positive example and lifestyle.

      From my own sorry experiences, the nature of family, means they are open to outside influences and that always has an impact, in the most negative of ways.

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