I’m not sure how many of us are consciously aware of our responses when we talk or communicate with others, but perhaps this is something we could all improve on. How we respond, or speak to other people is the most important thing we will do.
There are some of us who fall short. When we come to engage in emotionally defensive behaviour that is destructive, other people may feel threatened and that’s never appropriate. Bad tones are usually designed to ward that person off from having to admit responsibility for something he’s done that he doesn’t want others to know about.
Either way it’s not something we will easily get away with. Whatever we put out there, we get back. People who act defensively are essentially trying to protect themselves from feeling a certain uncomfortable way, or seeing them as a failure, or seeing themselves in a negative light.
That said, first impressions count. Tones account for everything and can either be the making or breaking of us. Although we’re not always initially responsible for our lack of gracefulness, particularly in childhood, as the adult it’s inevitably down to us.
The right tones go a long way in every day conversations and can make for a happy experience or a nightmare conversation others can’t wait to get away from. If we get the tone wrong, people are more inclined to want to walk away, long before the conversation even gets off the ground.
Generally, people seem to be more offended by our tones than by our language, but both are important. Although the language we use may be offensive, the tone we use is worse, because that is abuse.