In the last couple of days I have been poorly. I tend to go through phases where I stay well for a few weeks, but then go through illness blindly, because I have no idea what I deal with and how bad it will be.
Usually when I think I’m home and dry, I find I’m back again in the throws of illness again. Where other people recover in two days, it will take me four. I never really know what’s around the corner, which is one of the reasons I invest in my health as much as I do.
A cold will turn into nightmare flu symptoms and within the hour, I am paralysed due to additional problems I have with digestion and upper respiratory issues. I think it’s the magnitude of what I deal with that scares me sometimes. I have to prepare myself psychologically to work through illness.
I know others will have that too, but being completely re-wired from Cerebral Palsy means that my understanding of how my body works will never give me clarity and what I have to deal with around illness. I work illness blindly, because I never know how bad I’m going to be and how long it will take for me to get back up on my feet again.
I heal very slowly. I suspect I always will. The positive part is that learning about my illness gives me knowledge about what I deal with. It gives me power to work through things with more ease. The more I know about what I am dealing with, the more it becomes less frightening, the more I have control.
It also gives me chance to take illness in my stride. Feeling comfortable with what I know, gives me the opportunity to make illness less complicated. I also think it helps me to recognise and be aware of my emotions as and when they happen and that certainly helps.