The way it is

We try to please others because we have to, or we have no choice. We don’t stop to think about ourselves and whether the people we’re trying to please, will reciprocate.

When we go out of our way to please others, we fail to please or think about ourselves. Expectations from others will always be there. It took me many years to see that myself, but compromises have to be made. I’m not sure how many of us learn to compromise.

When you give in to someone or something, you emotionally disconnect from yourself, because you’re pleasing other people instead. For example, when you’re working you want to do a good job. You want your employer to be happy with the job you’re doing, you’re looking for acceptance that what you’re doing is exactly what they want. You aim to please.

I know because I did the same thing and in the longer term it doesn’t work. When it becomes clear that others are taking advantage, then it’s probably time to take control back.

Although it took me many years to understand the correlation, I believe that compromise has to be met and made on both sides.

25 Jun, 2014

8 thoughts on “The way it is

  1. It took me a long time to realise that with some people there isn’t anything you can do that will make them happy!

    I spent the majority of my childhood being a “dancing monkey” for my mother to try to do anything I could to make her happy, which never worked. This set up a pattern for my life where I would get involved with other people who acted the same and I didn’t realize it for some reason.

    I’ve finally decided that I don’t have to do that with people, as it never does me any good when I put in so much effort without getting anything in return.

    1. Thanks Randy. Unfortunately our earlier experiences do lead on to familiar patterns, which we find it enormously difficult to change. I came to the same conclusion as you Randy. It’s hard putting in so much effort without getting anything back in return.

      Sometimes the only choice we have is to walk away.

      1. I too have fallen into this trap, luckily I have learned that when things are one sided that is not good.

        I have decided to put those people on the back burner and put the people that matter to me in the forefront. It’s hard to change the way you are, but it takes a bigger person to realize you don’t have to take it.

  2. I don’t think I really got any acceptance from my parents no matter how hard I tried to please them. Earlier in my life I tried to please everybody.

    I would do anything my first boyfriend wanted me to do and most of the time it was something degrading. I finally wised up with him and broke off the relationship and just went into another abusive one, but I tried to please him also with no results, so I left him.

    I decided then that I wasn’t going to take it anymore and put myself first. I agree that you can’t please everyone all the time. There are some people you just can’t please at all.

    1. Sorry you had to go through some of your experiences Lisa, but so pleased you came through both times.

      I agree with your last sentence Lisa, it’s spot on. Yes there are just some people we can’t please at all, so there would be no point in trying.

  3. I think the main reason we try to please others is low self-esteem.

    When I was in middle and high school I did the homework for some of my ‘friends.’ I thought by doing so they will like me more and welcome me in their clique, but sadly no.

    Either people like us for who we truly are or not… don’t beg for their acceptance by trying to please them.

    1. Thanks Maria. Doing something just so we can be accepted doesn’t help us in the slightest, you’re absolutely right. I used to do the same with my family because I wanted to be accepted.

      Your last paragraph is so true and am sure will resonate with so many others too. People should accept us unconditionally for who we truly are. If they don’t, it’s time to walk away. No one should feel the need to beg for any acceptance.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Order my new book

Ilana x