Turning conflict around

I have experienced conflict. Some of us will continue to live with conflict. Others will walk away from it. Always try to turn conflict around.

How do we turn conflict around?

We must approach conflict as two equals trying to solve the issue, rather than stay caught up with the issue in mind, but it always helps if we start off on the right footing and in the right frame of mind.

Unfortunately, we tend to lose sight of where we are in our relationships, because we’re either too angry or agitated to care; but both sides must always have and continue to have each other’s interests at heart. Relationships must be open, honest and respectful. Without respect at the forefront of any relationship, there is always conflict. I have seen this in my life.

Resolutions to conflict are a necessary part of the process. It’s all too sad, but in order to sort out and understand we are dealing with conflict we have to recognise what those signs are and that’s not always easy, particularly when you’re in the throes of it. If it’s something that often happens and it becomes the norm, we become less consciously aware.

We can live amongst conflict and never make the connection that is what it is, but as long as we are able to recognise the signs of conflict and both parties are willing to mediate, conflict can be resolved.

The following suggestions may help:

  • Try to draw on the things you agree on so that you’re able to work through possible solutions;
  • Try not to stand in judgment on what the other persons says, even if the solutions offered seem way off the mark;
  • Learn how to mediate and communicate without forming opinions that antagonise. When we antagonise we cause conflict;
  • Try to make sure mutual consent and commitment to finding solutions is agreed by all parties.

Finally, it’s important that both sides get to express what they feel in a way that doesn’t undermine what the other person says. Mediation must continue until both parties are happy with the outcome and a solution has been reached.

23 Jul, 2014

6 thoughts on “Turning conflict around

  1. Good information. I agree with you.

    I can’t really think of any conflict I’ve had recently. Most of my conflict is in my own mind, not with others per say.

    1. Thanks Lisa. Yes absolutely. I would say conflict comes from what’s in our own minds and that will always spill over into our relationship with each other.

      Unfortunately, we tend to act out what we feel and that’s when we create conflict with others.

  2. We all experience conflict to varying degrees, as it is just a part of ‘life.’ In some respects learning to deal with it appropriately is an important lesson too. It is a shame we have to go through it to learn from it and you have certainly had your fair share.

    Your suggestions are all eminently sensible ones. Sometimes it is difficult to stand back and apply them in the heat of the moment, but that’s another lesson I guess.

    1. Unfortunately conflict is part of society as a whole, but I’m not sure why it needs to be. Having grown up with conflict around me, I understand more than most how it works.

      Conflict is something we create, it’s not something that needs to happen, particularly if the principles of give ‘n’ take, mediation and communication are used. I am sure some of our conflict comes from the way we communicate with others.

      If we stood back before we spoke, analysed what we were about to say, we would have less conflict to deal with. My mum honed that in to me from a very early age and I believe she was right.

  3. I grew up in a world where conflict was a constant thing, so it didn’t phase me after a while.

    It was never a positive thing so turning it around wasn’t something I thought of very often. Most of the time I just wanted not to have to deal with it, but it also meant not dealing with anything else, either.

    The biggest problem is that I actually got used to living with it, so I didn’t know much of anything else. Now that my life has become what a lot of other people would consider “boring” I’ve gotten to kind of really liking the peace and quiet!

    1. Thanks Randy. You’re absolutely right when we don’t have to deal with conflict, to some extent we’re left with peace and quiet; but from my own experience we will still have the emotional side of conflict to deal with.

      From my own experiences, conflict isn’t something easily forgotten once it’s ended and although we do have ‘peace and quiet’ after conflict, we still have to deal with our emotions.

      Once we understand and have dealt with our emotions, we will live with peace and quiet. The key is to make sure it stays that way.

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