Turning our backs

31 Jan 2016

The hard part for any of us, is knowing when it’s time to turn our backs on someone or something. There are two trains of thought here.

Understanding what we’re turning our backs on and why perhaps it’s time to give up.  If it’s someone or something that we’re struggling with and have been for some time and it’s making us stressed and ill, then it’s right to walk away. I would say necessary to walk away.

If we’re in a position to help other people and those people are making our lives difficult, then it’s also right for us to walk away. No one should have to settle for bad behaviour. There has to be a compromise if we’re to stay. People must meet us half way and if they can’t and we’re okay with that, then they mustn’t take advantage, or make our life difficult.

The problem we have, is the guilt we feel when we choose to walk away. That in some way we could have done more to help that person; that they may even change. Speaking from experience and I’ve had a few, however much we try to help other people, unless they really want help, they may simply choose not to accept help.

If those were the circumstances, there would very little we could do to bring about a positive outcome. On a personal level, if it’s something we’re trying to achieve for ourselves, after two attempts we must surely know that what we’re trying to achieve isn’t going to work. If we spent a little more time thinking about why, we would know earlier that we we’re not getting the result we want.

It would certainly cut down on our stress levels, and allow us to utilize our time better, working on something that we know we can achieve.

4 Responses to “Turning our backs”

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  1. Brad 01. Feb, 2016 at 6:24 pm #

    Sometime turning our back is the most appropriate course of action and I see that as being a positive thing to do. As the saying goes,’there is no point flogging a dead horse’ and that just about says it all.

    But we should not see that as defeatist or negative, when it’s right to walk away then that’s a good thing.

    • Ilana 01. Feb, 2016 at 6:49 pm #

      Thank you. Yes turning our backs on, or walking away from any behaviour that is less than conciliatory, is always appropriate in my book.

      On the contrary, it doesn’t mean we’ve failed, it just means we deserve peace.

  2. Randy 02. Feb, 2016 at 2:27 pm #

    This seems to be one of my biggest downfalls, since I have such a hard time turning my back on anyone!

    I’m guessing it’s probably because I was forced to take care of others as a kid and I know the feeling when others turn their backs on you. I like to say that I have always been a sucker for a sob story and a pretty face! The only problem is that these damsels in distress, wanted to be rescued, but not by me.

    I seem to have had the same issue with toxic friends who knew how to play me like a fiddle. Hate to say, but I have come to believe that nice guys do finish last

    The biggest lesson I have learned (the hard way) is that you can’t help those who refuse to help themselves. You can give them the greatest advice, making it extremely easy for them to do what they need to do and they still want to do things their own way, even if it’s obviously the wrong thing.

    I’m sure this has been how other people felt when they did the same thing for me and I did the same thing, so it shouldn’t be so surprising. The difference with me, is that I’m learning how to listen to advice and not making the same mistakes I used to!

    Now all I have to do is take care of some of the messes that I made by my mistakes so I can get on with my life.

    • Ilana 02. Feb, 2016 at 3:12 pm #

      Thanks Randy. Yes a lot of it is learned behaviour. We know and do what we’ve been expected to do, but that’s not always right.

      As harsh as it sounds (and I’m not meaning it to) I would always choose to turn my back on those who are less than conciliatory or not conciliatory at all. Having found life particularly tough already, I’m not looking to add more stress to my life.

      I hope that the advice you’re getting is helping and that the right people are in your life now. It’s a work in progress for us all in effect and is part of life.

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