Value of friendships

The value of any friendship is important and although friendships are important and should be embraced, it’s important to be around people who elevate our mood, not bring us down.

We tend to conform to relationships whether they’re right for us or not, because we’re afraid to be left with nothing. The same applies to family too. We’re also afraid others will see us as outcasts, because we’re out of the loop. I would personally have one or two good friends, than a handful of friends who leave me emotionally drained fighting for our every existence.

Friends should elevate our mood, not bring our mood down and even if they can’t always do that, it’s important to have some understanding on what they deal with, or for those friends to say what’s wrong. When mum was diagnosed with lung cancer my friends disappeared without a trace and when I eventually managed to get hold of them to tell them how disappointed I was that they had not supported me, my words were met with discord.

Spiritually it would be difficult to grow in these kind of relationships. I severed links and looking back I have no regrets. I’m a lot happier now.


17 Aug, 2010

10 thoughts on “Value of friendships

  1. I had the same thing happen when my mother died. I found out who my real friends were. I did have some surprises too. People who I thought would not care, cared and supported me greatly. I tend now to try to have positive people around me. I have enough negative family members to deal with on a daily basis.

  2. I too have had my share of disappointment with so called “fair-weather friends”. The ones that are around when things are going great, but when the going is bad they’re not ‘available’.

    I got lucky and have one true friend that is there for me and I am there for him. We have been best friends since 7th grade but we knew each other since we could walk. (he lived 5 houses down from me) Even though we don’t see each other very often cuz we’re both busy with our families and life etc, when we do get together we can pick-up right where we left off.

    We can talk about our problems no matter what they are, so I’d rather have one true friend than a lot of acquaintances.

  3. I would like to add on to this a little by saying that I feel that, with friends, support is a two-way street. My belief is that it’s important to give as well as get.

    I once had a couple of friends I had lunch regularly with at my last job and they were willing to stand on their heads for me. But when I asked them how they were doing, the response was like a broken record…they always said they were fine. Now, I realize that it’s possible that some people out there are so content that whatever problems they have, they don’t view as problems. But for me, these friendships had no value because I was getting all the support and I was not getting to give any of it back, which led to some heavy feelings of guilt.

    I think that your theory on friendships is spot on…it’s a lot better to have one or two that are actually working instead of, say, 15 or 20 that only seem to be doing one person or the other minimal good. It’s a good thing to be discussing.

    1. David that’s affirmative, it is important to give as well as get. I sometimes think though referring to your second paragraph that those people who say they are fine are not always fine. My mother was like that. She often hid behind a facade, so others didn’t know how she really felt. Watch this space for tomorrow’s journal! Thanks for posting.

  4. I completely agree with what you have said in this entry! I have learned how much relationships can change and some simply aren’t worth the hardship or struggle of putting up with them and it is better for us to let go even though it is sometimes hard to do.

  5. I agree with you totally. I really don’t have any friends that I get to go out with or bond with on a regular basis.

    I do have one “old” friend that has been a friend since first grade but she moved to far away for me to go see or her to come to me on a regular basis. But she’s the type of friend that can give constructive criticism and it doesn’t bother me and vise-versa. She understands if I don’t call and I understand if she doesn’t.. and it’s not that we don’t care, we’re just comfortable.

    But other friends I don’t have. I never really had friends due to my illness in school, I guess everyone was afraid to be my friend. So I have a kind of lonely life without friends. But I agree, I would much rather have 1 or 2 friends that will support me than a bunch that don’t. And my family is my family. They stress me out occasionally but whose don’t.

    I’m not really close to any one in particular except my daughter. They just don’t seem to be very supportive. My one family member I could always count on died 6 years ago and going through his illness was very hard. I didn’t get the support I needed either. My father and I were very close and I miss him dearly.

    Of course my mother doesn’t understand my relationship with dad. She wants to know why we can’t have a relationship like I had with dad. I think that father/daughter relationship is unique in some cases and I was lucky enough to have it with my dad.

    1. Lisa you are lucky to have had that relationship with your dad. Having friends are important, but I feel the key to your own happiness is being comfortable with ‘you.’ That’s when you will have peace.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *