We determine our experiences

12 Jan 2016

The way we look at life determines our thoughts and experiences and we are responsible for both. The bigger picture will always present us with an opportunity to change the way we see the world and what we have to deal with, but to do that we must first cut through the belief system we have created for ourselves.

Unfortunately, the limits we have are the ones we create and place on ourselves. Because we fail to explore the possibilities that lie beyond our initial thoughts, we block further possibilities of finding answers to some of the issues we have to deal with. The thoughts we create are determined through our beliefs.

We tend to look at events and situations and interpret other people’s thoughts and feelings through our own set of beliefs. Our beliefs will include past experiences; culture; our values and faith that help us form our beliefs about the world, ourselves and other people.

That’s fine of course, but can mean we get stuck, if the meaning we give to events is based upon others’ values. If our core values are solely based upon someone else’s values and beliefs, our values and beliefs will be based on what those people want for us and not on what we want for ourselves and those will determines our experience through other people.

Our experiences need to be based on what we want for ourselves, not what others have taught us to think about. Sadly, growing up, we’re not always taught to think for ourselves, we’re taught to follow family values.

6 Responses to “We determine our experiences”

Post a Comment
  1. Tim 12. Jan, 2016 at 8:35 pm #

    You’re absolutely right Ilana! What you’re writing about is removing the chains and images of psychological slavery from our mindset. You’re asking us to dump our cobwebs so we can achieve our objectives.

    We are more than ordinary and we should move forward using that narrative.

    • Ilana 12. Jan, 2016 at 10:03 pm #

      Thanks Tim. Yes thank you that is what I am saying! As you say, we are more than ordinary and are more than capable, but it will always be up to us to find a way.

      We are responsible for ourselves, for us to determine our experiences, but It’s through those experiences that we will achieve our goals. The more positive experiences we have,the more we are likely to achieve our goals.

  2. Randy 13. Jan, 2016 at 2:30 am #

    I wasn’t exactly allowed to determine my own experiences during my childhood and therefore for most of my life!

    I never really had a chance to develop my own beliefs and values, so I never really had a good sense of self! My core values were warped and perverted by parents who forced me to believe in things that I really didn’t. They were very selfish and manipulative and treated us like their slaves rather than their own children.

    They expected us to make them happy when it was supposed to be the other way around. So many times we were forced to take care of them when they were supposed to be taking care of us!

    Essentially they forced us to only see the world in the way they wanted us to, so we didn’t really know any different. I was trained to only think of others and never consider things like what I wanted out of life.

    My only sense of identity was always tied to others’ needs, which I hated but also at the same time felt it was what I had to do. When you feel like you don’t have the power of choice over your own life, you end up always making decisions that benefit everyone else. You live what you know!

    Now is the time where I have to finally decide what is right for me. I can’t believe the chance I have given up to make others happy, but need to accept the things I cannot change.

    There are always people who will take everything you have to give and keep wanting more, but I have the choice whether or not to be involved with those kind of people.

    No longer do I have to take one for the team because other people don’t want the job! My fears, doubts and insecurities don’t have to ruin the rest of my life.

    I just want to be able to do my own thing for the first time in my life and be able to be comfortable in my own skin!

    • Ilana 13. Jan, 2016 at 7:23 am #

      Thanks Randy. You’re absolutely right. You don’t have to take one for the team anymore, as you did when you were growing up.

      I feel for you because I know what it feels like to live that life. As the child we have no choice, none of us do, but as the adult we must take control, where we once didn’t have it. It just may take a little more time to learn how to do that.

      There isn’t a day go by where I’m still not working on something to do with my past, but even through my own negative childhood, I still believe the past is there for our experiences to stay firmly in the past.

      We have to be strong enough to move those feelings on and adjust our lives accordingly, however hard it is to leave those feelings behind.

      We are very much responsible for determining our experiences. We just must find a way to do it.

  3. Brad 14. Jan, 2016 at 9:48 am #

    You have perfectly described what happened to me for a number of years. That is a period I look back on with regret that I didn’t do something about those influences, as it made me into someone I wasn’t.

    Thankfully that is over and I can begin to live according to my own values and not another person’s values.

    • Ilana 14. Jan, 2016 at 12:19 pm #

      Thank you. Just because we have little choice or options in life doesn’t make us into something we’re not. We are still the same people underneath that will never change. We just cut our cloth to fit in with other people, particularly if they’re constantly making life difficult.

      We change what we can change, when we can change it. The rest of the time we must learn to deal with the cards we have been dealt. Coming into a difficult scenario I think is more difficult, but the outcome will always be the same, until something happens to change that.

      Not easy times of course from what you have described, but we get through.

Leave a Reply