What we want

What we want for others won’t work, unless they want those things for themselves. They have to want to help themselves and that needs to happen if they’re to live their lives and do more than just exist.

People are reluctant to help themselves because they’re not always sure how or where to start. They’re afraid of the unknown, the apprehension that comes with change. They’re also often in denial about needing help.

It’s important for us to recognise when we need help and it’s only when we admit we need help that our lives will change. It’s usually only when we hit rock bottom that we unconsciously accept that we need help, that when we come to bring ourselves back from rock bottom, we can see how far we spiralled.

For those with addictive personalities, it’s slightly harder. It also depends on how long we’ve hit rock bottom and how much work we’ve got to do to get ourselves back up again.

Usually, recognition becomes the first step for any transition, where we accept that we need help and that things need to change.


13 Jul, 2016

4 thoughts on “What we want

  1. Wow, what a loaded question! Every time I think of what I want, I have to say I don’t really know. It was never really an option as a kid which carried on well into my adulthood.

    My parents didn’t exactly have any expectations of us that I know of, since it would have cost them too much money to support our dreams, so at a point you begin to say, why even bother? They didn’t exactly set a very good example of going after their dreams, since I don’t think they ever really had any of their own.

    My mother always acted like the wounded bird, expecting everyone to cater to her whims. My dad didn’t seem to want much more, than to have his booze at the end of the day so neither of them were very motivated.

    My biggest question was always, why did they bother having children? as I grew up. They acted like it was such a burden to take care of us and actually expected us to take care of them, most of the time.

    We didn’t have much of a chance to really be kids, so it’s no wonder we all have had maturity issues. We had to make a lot of adult decisions with a child’s knowledge which was way beyond unfair to us! Our wants, let alone our needs, were usually irrelevant to them; so we quite often had to learn to fend for ourselves.

    It’s pretty amazing that we even survived considering what we went through, but we ended up with a lot of emotional scars that are the ones that never fully heal. It is very frustrating when you are trying to help people to get what they want, but they refuse to lift a finger to help themselves.

    The sad part is that since I grew up doing just that, I have continually tried to help the same kind of people, with the same results.

    I’m finally choosing to work on figuring out what it is that I want, so I have to let these people go to fend for themselves. I’m getting too old for this and don’t feel like wasting any more of the time I have left trying to do the impossible for those who don’t even appreciate it.

    I kind of just want to be able to enjoy my life for a change, instead of having to waste so much time worrying about other people’s problems for them!

    1. As harsh as it may sound Randy, I think you’re right. We have to put ourselves first if others we’re trying to help ignore wanting to help themselves.

      Turning to your parents, the buck should have stopped with them and although that part wasn’t right, you have come to understand your life, enough to know that how you and your siblings were treated; wasn’t of your own doing.

      From my own experience, I think in a way that makes it easier to come to terms with, because we know and can see how things should have been and that takes the onus off us.

      Others must come to realise they need to help themselves, but that shouldn’t stop us finding ways to help ourselves; if we can’t help others in the way we would want. You never know, perhaps in time it will come.

  2. If we are upfront with ourselves, this blog should resonate with all who read it. If not, then you’re probably in denial which can derail your chances of receiving help.

    But if we pieced together the chain of events and circumstances that led to things spiraling downward, we may expedite our recovery and avoid being unfairly judged or humiliated.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, your second paragraph of your response is spot on and holds the key to the healing process. However we can, we must try to piece together the chain of events and circumstances that lead to our spiralling down.

      The chain of events will show us exactly who is responsible and that takes the onus off us. Guilt is a terrible thing to carry. Without that, we will struggle to understand everything we must come to understand about our experiences.

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