When it’s time to let go

There is nothing wrong with you caring, but expecting others to care because you care, isn’t something always afforded to you.

You’ll know when it’s time not to care and it’s time to let go, when:

  • The time and energy we’re putting in isn’t reciprocated;
  • You’re growing apart;
  • You’re trying too hard to make the relationship work;
  • Friends or family stop making you a better version of yourself;
  • When you can’t count on the other person;
  • When you’re being ignored;
  • When you’re dealing with abuse;
  • When they have a hidden agenda;
  • When their life is about them;
  • When it’s clear your issues are being ignored;
  • When they don’t want to know and they don’t have your back.

When it comes to others you must stop wanting things to be right, when it’s clear they’re not right. Relationships shouldn’t feel strained or be difficult.

Focus on what you can control. When it becomes to feel too stressful, when everything about the friendship becomes a challenge and you know in your gut it’s not working, it’s time to walk away.

If you want to stop caring, it is time to make changes to your belief system. Not caring won’t make you heartless, or mean-spirited, but rather you’ll free yourself from the burden of needing to please others and not feel guilty about it.

Not everyone is worth your time, energy and support. We usually do that at the cost of our own mental health. Be honest with yourself. The truth is you are the one that’s worth your time, energy and support.

21 Jun, 2020

4 thoughts on “When it’s time to let go

  1. Given that you have spoken over the years about your experiences, this blog clearly relates to what you’ve been through. You’ve come through the other end stronger for it and through this understanding you will be able to let go.

    I am sure many will resonate with your words. I have learned to let go of a lot of other people’s deceitful behaviour, I struggled with. It’s never too late to free ourselves from the feelings of guilt which aren’t ours to own in the first place.

    1. Thanks, yes 57 years is a lot of years. As you say, it’s not our guilt to own, if it were it would be half the battle.

      The reality is that no matter our experiences and what we’re made to experience, it doesn’t get those others off the hook. The deed is done and that can never be taken back. I think in many respects that helps us also let go.

      I shall never stop at righting a wrong, but I shall do it in a balanced, fair and measured way. Those others must take responsibility for their actions.

  2. Letting go isn’t something I’m good as I was constantly forced to let go of the things I valued as a child; I never had much of a choice.

    I was brainwashed into taking care of other people’s needs before my own, which I finally realized yesterday, when I almost got into an argument, whilst trying to pick up a free air conditioner for my girlfriend’s daughter, when they had the money to buy their own.

    My point being that when I was a kid, I was forced to feel guilty for doing anything for myself but rewarded for doing everything for everyone else which turns out to be such a thankless job.

    It is definitely time to let go of that idea seeing as most people never appreciate my efforts at all and actually complain that I’m not doing enough. I need to focus on living my own life and making myself happy for a change, since no-one else is going to do it for me.

    1. Thanks Randy. I am sure your last sentence holds true for many people.

      You must focus on your own life; but even if you were to focus on someone else, make sure you don’t leave yourself out. I think there’s a lesson in there for all of us.

      We tend to hold on to our relationships for fear of the unknown, but it is better going into the unknown, than it is to put up with a relationship that isn’t working, particularly if you have had to deal with abuse.

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