Why we hold on

We hold on to the things we know aren’t meant for us because although on an unconscious level we know they aren’t really ours, we would still like them to be. We hold on because we’re not great with change.

We spend a lifetime looking for things, trying to prove the things that are not self-evident, because we need them to be. We hold on because those things are what we know, they’re familiar. All things familiar is more comforting and easier than those things non-familiar.

Letting go has everything to do with either accepting that something isn’t going to work, or accepting that something may have already happened. We choose to hold on because it’s easier, but in the longer term it will always be more challenging, because the transition of letting go will always be harder. The longer we hold on the longer it will take to let go and move on.

When things are meant to be, it takes little mental and emotional effort to keep those things ticking over. Those things are never forced, they will never leave us irritated, because they will feel right. We hold on because we already know our limitations. We’re scared of the transition and uncertainty. That in itself inhibits emotional and personal growth.

Unfortunately, we can never prove ourselves by convincing others we’re doing the right thing, but there’s an element of we really don’t need to, as long as the decision we make is right for us. We’re not here to convince others, but we do need to detach ourselves from the things that don’t serve us and let go. We must be honest with ourselves.

It’s human nature to have an idea of how things are supposed to look in our heads. When we have the things we’re meant to have, we will stop looking for the external things, whether those are material possessions or people. The sad reality is that we learn too late.

There are the things we don’t have to look for, because they’re there, they feel right and we don’t have to think about those. If we have to think long and hard about things, perhaps those are the things we need to let go of.


31 Oct, 2016

4 thoughts on “Why we hold on

  1. I’ve held on to things like emotional intimacy that wasn’t really there. I was insincere, pathological or both; or just afraid of my alternative self.

    Holding onto things that actually held me back. But I eventually opened up to things and let some things go; waiting that long was worth it.

    1. Having read your response Tim, I don’t think you were either insincere or pathological. I also don’t think you held yourself back. There’s a time for letting go.

      I think you perhaps lived in denial on what was being presented to you. We tend to hold on to what we think we’re entitled to, or what we feel is owed, or because others expect and we don’t know how to say no.

      It’s great you have become aware of the things that you knew you probably needed to let go of. Letting go allows us to heal.

  2. I’m sorry I haven’t been on for so long. I feel like I’m stuck in my own world here. I wanted to comment on this one, because now it relates to my issues at the moment.

    My friend passed away 2 nights ago and we have family issues going on. In some of these situations it’s so imperative to let go, particularly family members and I am slowly letting go.

    It’s a longer process than I wanted or expected. As far as my friend, I’m in a grieving process so that will definitely take time and healing.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. It’s never easy losing a friend or a loved one, but the ties that bind us together will and can never be broken.

      The memories you had, the help you gave will all remain in tact and your friend will have passed with the love and support around her. She will know what you did for her.

      She will be around you as you continue to journey through your own life. Family issues are slightly different, they’re ongoing, they never change, because of the family dynamics.

      Unfortunately when it comes to family we can’t help those who don’t see the problem with their actions, we can only make ourselves stronger, wish them well and walk away.

      If your life were any different with certain family members and you could make your relationship work, you’d be making different choices now.

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