We’re quite happy to point out other people’s faults, but will conveniently fail to acknowledge our own. Why we do that is clear cut more than we think. It’s far easier for us to ignore our behaviour, than it is for us to confront and deal with our presenting behaviour.
We would rather confront or pick someone up on their behaviour instead. We’re not great at admitting we’re at fault. We’re also biased by the narrative that goes on in our heads. And when confronted, we admit to nothing, but will still continue to blame others, even though subconsciously we know others aren’t the reason for our bad behaviour.
We all have a history, we all have baggage that play a part in our present, but we’re also in denial on both and it is that which stops us from being open and honest with ourselves and those we must be honest with.
As a child I didn’t understand my anger issues, but I was aware of my family’s inability to support me emotionally around my disability. It become obvious that I was being made the scapegoat for my siblings’ behaviour.
As a general rule though, we need to acknowledge and understand our behaviour. The irony is that as we block out our presenting behaviour, we will fail to deal with ‘how we are’ and will continue to blame others.
It’s not right for those like me who have always been on the other side of blame. For ourselves, we must consciously think about our behaviour and know it’s us who fundamentally needs to change.