Being true to myself

The more I have learned about my disability through my book, the more real it became, the more understanding of my disability I became. But how I got to this place so late, is something I will never comprehend.

Not to know who you are, or how and why you present the way you do, or what makes you the person you are with your difficulties is incomprehensible. We can tackle anything when we are informed, and have the facts.

As parents, it is out job to continue to make sure our children come first, make their children’s lives about them, so they can function in their own normal.

Not to allow us to live our life and be informed about what we deal with and particularly around a disability and for us to believe we might never understand ourselves or get to know about our disability is unacceptable to the point of being unforgivable, but I must be true to myself.

It is also not something you get over. But being one to put a positive slant on things, I will continue to stay positive. How I got to this place will always be shroud in negativity and secrecy.


14 Jul, 2020

4 thoughts on “Being true to myself

  1. This is something that I have been struggling with for most of my life. It has taken me far too long to break out of toxic patterns and even now I see signs of said patterns repeating itself.

    Chances are that I will need to follow the path of taking a vow of celibacy in order to maintain my sanity. It most certainly wasn’t fair for either one of us as children.

    I still don’t have much of a clue as to who and what I am, but I will just have to go by who and what I don’t want to be, to become the person who I ultimately want to be.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, where you say: ‘I still don’t have much of a clue as to who and what I am, but I will just have to go by who and what I don’t want to be, to become the person who I ultimately want to be – that’s right.

      You know the person you don’t want to be, so now you can become the person you ultimately want to be. I like your thinking, just remember to throw some self-care in there for good measure.

  2. The fact that you had confidence enough to do what was best for you, under adverse circumstances tells me that you were true to yourself, no matter how emotionally low you were.

    It also tells me that you were brave, because beneath your anger was fear. I know a little bit about that.

    1. Thanks Tim. Yes, I wasn’t void of confidence. I also followed my gut, and my inner beliefs and never veered of course. I didn’t know what any of it meant, but I did hold on to the thought that I would get to know and lived with that thought each day.

      I was angry and spirit understood. Through what I am able to do now, I have become exonerated from any wrongdoing. I was angry because my disability was being ignored and I was struggling.

      No one is angry for anger’s sake. We’re angry because we’re struggling, we’re irritated and we’re deeply unhappy. Through our anger, we’re telling others we’re here, and they must pay attention.

      On other people’s part, they must want to care. Care enough to question why someone is angry. On my part it was a cry for help, and my cries weren’t being picked up. I was continually being blamed for my anger.

      Spirit weren’t ignoring. It heard my cries. It would always be a question of timing and true to form that is exactly what happened.

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