My journey in a book

My journey in a book is based around my difficulties of living with a disability I didn’t know I had. Those were difficult times, it’s been a difficult life.

My realities are delivered in a way that others can understand and will resonate with, as if my journey were theirs too. As I take a journey through my experiences, I remember those as if they happened today.

My values match my experiences in the way they happened. Each of our realities are real. Growing up with a disability I didn’t know I had, made my experiences even more real.

Through my book I chart my journey I thought I would never take, I was able to learn new things about myself, about my life. I gained an insight into my mind, into my experiences, how those experiences made me feel, then documented my life.

Along the way, I was able to compare my new learning with those of my personal understanding, of my experiences, of how those experiences happened. I wanted and needed an understanding no matter how hard that understanding was going to be.

I didn’t want to be invisible, I didn’t want to hide, I wanted to be me. I wanted to be free, the truth would set me free. The truth depended on my experiences on my perspective, how I remember my experiences to be, it didn’t matter if others disagreed, it wasn’t their experiences, or their life.

But the realities are the same. Facts don’t change, just because we may not remember the facts in the same way others remember. Whatever the facts, we might not like them, but they are still real.

My Book Cerebral Palsy: ‘A Story’ Finding the Calm after the Storm, is available to buy on Amazon UK or Amazon US

4 Dec, 2020

4 thoughts on “My journey in a book

  1. It would be nice not to feel quite so invisible as I have for most of my life. I grew up being treated that way, unless people especially my own parents, wanted something from me so that is what I was used to, and expected from people.

    I became a “people pleaser” so I haven’t really known anything different. My needs, wants and desires were usually irrelevant, which does explain why I have lived the way that I have for most of my life.

    We had to learn very quickly as kids how to adapt and survive, which didn’t leave much room for anything else, like learning how to overcome the chaos and trauma. Most people may not know what that’s like.

    There are days when I have to pretend that everything is okay, when obviously it isn’t. I want to be able to enjoy my life, rather than feel like I have to suffer through things, like I always have.

    1. Thanks Randy. I get where you were a ‘people pleaser.’ I was also a people pleaser growing up.

      It’s a way of looking for acceptance. Our lives are similar in that respect. It doesn’t change our experiences, or how we feel now, but it does go some way to give us an explanation.

      I find writing helps. It’s one way of getting your feelings out. It doesn’t have to be anything in depth, depending on what you are able to get back, but I think writing your thoughts out and then burning your letter will work for you.

      You can have a conservation with your parents, you can tell them exactly how you feel about your relationship, your upbringing, anything you feel is holding you back.

      If you want to take a look at ‘The Write & Burn Letter’ blog it will explain how you can go about doing it.

  2. That frightened little girl behind a tough girl mask never wore the restraints of her disabilities. Instead, she went from dragging her foot to dancing.

    That is your story, Ilana. As you say, ” self limiting beliefs are false ideologies.” I have hope and your book sitting side-by-side to remind me of that.

    1. Thanks Tim. ‘Hope and my book, sitting side-by-side’ sounds good. I couldn’t ask for anything else.

      Even as far back as a child, my spiritual beliefs gave me hope, a reason to hold on. I could never have imagined back then what I have now with my website and my book.

      Yes, we’re all guilty of holding on to things, it’s a human failing and it’s those things that hold us back. But as ‘my story’ shows, life has a way of working out, if only we open up to ourselves and we’re truthful.

      But I believe it was more than just hope that pulled me through. I continued to believe my life would change, that I would get to find out what my disability was. I never gave up on that belief.

      I believe our lives are mapped out, but I also believe we are instrumental. I never gave up believing my time would come. I just never gave up.

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