Without full closure

In the book I talk about my disability, going into detail, growing up not knowing I had a disability or what that was. My biggest struggle was not piecing together the truth behind others not wanting to know about my disability.

Not knowing about my disability or what my symptoms were growing up made it harder because I wanted to talk about how I felt. When I found out about my disability it was already too late, I was in my late forties.

How does not having that conversation make me feel? That part will always be shroud in regret. Had my disability been discussed, I would have understanding around how and why, instead of having being given a fait accompli. I have come to rely on my own intuitive thinking around the whys and wherefores.

Through the book being able to piece my disability and life together has given me understanding that I would never have had without.


19 May, 2020

4 thoughts on “Without full closure

  1. I suspect you will never get the full closure your deserve, as so much was hidden and undiscovered for so long, yet the truth will always prevail.

    But you show us how to use this understanding positively, and that is a lesson we can all benefit from.

    1. You’re right. Yes, it’s another acceptance I must work on. I am pleased my experiences and understanding help others positively too.

      It is easy to relive, rethink you could change things, and then I pause and reality hits again. Giving my environment, nothing would ever change for me.

      But I have changed, 10 years on and I have an altogether different life now. I am thankful I have been instrumental in that.

  2. Yes, I’m sure that not having full closure is why I have nights like I did last night, where I can’t seem to get to sleep my mind won’t stop running.

    I’m guessing that it’s probably time for me to start writing my own book, or even books; seeing there is so much on my mind that needs to come out.

    Part of me is extremely angry about all of the what ifs, seeing as there was so much more that I could have done with my life but now I’ll never really know.

    It’s not easy for me to ‘just get over it.’ The most I can do now is focus on what I can do and want to do, like take that trip to England (once it’s possible again) to see where my grandmother came from and visit with you, if that’s okay.

    1. Yes, it is absolutely okay Randy. I didn’t realise your grandmother originated from England, how cool. Turning to our stories, yes neither of us will have ‘full’ closure, and it’s not okay.

      All you can do is keep moving forward, write out your thoughts and try to find your own way of accepting your experiences, even if you don’t have full closure.

      You also have to remember those who put you through those experiences will always be accountable. Even without the apology they are accountable and must take responsibility.

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