No apology necessary

Writing a book isn’t easy, particularly when you know what you’re writing helps you, but potentially isn’t something others close will accept.

I remember watching a documentary about Lily Allen, who was particularly blunt about her experiences, and her explaining in the documentary that her book didn’t go down well with her family. I have nothing to apologise for.

It was a book that needed to be written, so that I could come to understand and know about my disability for the first time, for me to become familiar with my struggles in the way they happened, growing up without knowing about my disability.

My book, Cerebral Palsy: A Story ‘Finding the Calm after the Storm’ is a non-judgmental, account of my life, finding out at the age of 46 that I had cerebral palsy and autism at 56. As I continued to work through my experiences, starting in the early years, the book in its entirety, has helped me bring acceptance and closure, where as a child I struggled with both.

I write sensitively in a way that brings clarity on some very difficult years. As authors, we must think about how we write and then if it is a problem for others, it is their problem, not ours. We shouldn’t feel bad about speaking our truth, as long as what we’re writing shows sensitivity, understanding, and our words come from the heart.

Finding out there was a diagnosis at 2 and not knowing I had cerebral palsy until I was 46 and autism until I was 56, has made acceptance of what has happened to me over the years virtually impossible.

4 Jan, 2020

2 thoughts on “No apology necessary

  1. I felt like I have spent most of my life apologizing for everything including my parents behaviour and even for my existence, which explains why I haven’t enjoyed my life.

    They pretty much brainwashed me into doing what they wanted and made it seem like my life was going to suck, no matter what I did.

    It’s no wonder that I didn’t attempt to live up to my potential, as I always felt like I would be wasting my time. I’m sure that any book I write won’t be popular, but it wasn’t like my parents went out of their way to save us from the hell we went through as kids.

    I still feel like a lot of people owe us apologies, but I know that isn’t ever going to happen so I will just have to accept things as the way they are and try to move on with my life.

    1. Thanks Randy. Yes, apologising for things you didn’t need to apologise for. You were the kid and your parents should have taken responsibility for you in fulfilling your needs.

      If it helps and you’re still struggling Randy, perhaps you should write your parents individual letters and talk everything through with them as if they are with you now.

      You can either burn it or keep the letter, but just getting your thoughts out there, sewing a seed will help you feel better.

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