Without my twin, the world has just got a whole lot scarier. As children we were two peas in a pod, we looked similar and we dressed the same. We attended the same schools, were in the same class, and shared the same friends, none of which worked out for us. Instead, it fast caused a build up of resentment between us.
Having spoken to other parents, whose twins were born later, they have been brought up individually and identify as siblings. That's better, because they identify as individuals, who get to make their own choices and live individual lives, as friends.
We struggled as twins
We craved independence and individually struggled to find our individual identities and that had a massive bearing on us. Now with my twin gone, the twin bond for us is even stronger. I'm already seeing the signs, although I admit, I am finding it hard to adjust to a life without her.
The 'twins'
We were always addressed as the ‘twins’ which didn’t do much for our self-esteem or confidence. We didn’t see ourselves as individuals. I was lucky, cerebral palsy gave me a focus, a channel to help myself; an outlet. I found a way through.
Now without my twin, I struggle to move forward and in the pandemic, it makes it all the more scarier.
Health struggles since my twin's death
Through the trauma of losing my twin, I’ve had bad luck with my health. It’s been a scary time. The mouth ligament injury and tooth extraction near to where the injury is are synonymous with the trauma that ensued. I cannot believe how poorly I have been.
As I continue to contemplate life without her, I am reminded there were some good times through the rubbish. I can’t argue with that.
It is important to be able to talk about the bad times and to focus on the good times also, by talking about those and sharing stories and memories here on your blog.
In time I'm sure memories of the bad times will melt away and you will feel better knowing your twin is around you, just not with you physically.
I lost my dad when I was young and we didn't get the opportunity to be friends. I would have liked that. I talk to him all the time and I know he is here looking out for me.
I think you're right. The bad times do need our expression, they help us to understand why those times were bad. We tend to see things differently when we look back. It must have been hard for you, losing your dad and not having that relationship with him.
I have learned a lot through the loss of my twin also. We tend to learn more through loss. My not so good experiences, through my writing help me to put a more positive slant on things.
I hope for others, my writing goes some way to help.