Looking back on my childhood, I realise that what was lost was not just my progress at school, but a part of my youth. Years that should have been spent building confidence were spent simply trying to stay afloat.
When I think about my education, the image that comes to mind is a simple one: a child dropped into deep water and told to swim.
Before school became a problem for me, expectations had already been set. Comparisons with my twin were common. It was assumed that her progress would be mine, even as it became clear that I couldn’t keep up in the same way.
This expectation shaped the way my own difficulties, growing up with something I didn’t know I had, were interpreted. Rather than being treated as something that required further investigation and support, they were ignored.
The possibility that I was experiencing something fundamentally different from my siblings was never dealt with, and I was left to manage without any help, struggling with coursework and falling short in exams.
For a child, that kind of environment creates a dissonance between what is expected and what is achievable. You know that you're trying, yet the results suggest otherwise. Over time, it becomes less about individual assignments or exams and more about identity.
When repeated struggles are interpreted as personal shortcomings, it becomes easy to internalise the idea that you aren't capable. What was missing was not the effort, but the support. Many children experience learning difficulties or other challenges that are not immediately visible. And the conversations between parents and the school should lead somewhere.
Silence filled the space where explanation should have been. That silence leaves a child feeling as though they are expected to meet the same standards as everyone else. The comparison with siblings only intensifies that feeling.
As an adult, I can see it wasn’t a misunderstanding. The school decided not to pursue anything further, as there was no parental input or support. Reflecting on these experiences for me now is about understanding how easily a child’s challenges can go unnoticed when expectations are shaped by comparison and they're simply overlooked. Something I still struggle to comprehend.
I grew up thinking it was me. Now, looking back, I can see that much of that time was spent struggling, trying to stay afloat on my own.
