When I look back at my childhood it’s not difficult to see why I was angry. Living with a disability I didn't know I had, with no choices and having played no part in my decisions, I went on to live with guilt for many years, thinking I could and should have done better.
Self-compassion
No one should feel they are to blame if they're not. Self-compassion isn’t easy. Where we extend compassion to ourselves in times when we’re emotionally struggling, we have self-compassion. Without it, it's easy to continue to apportion blame on ourselves for our past. That was me.
Being kind and mindful
Being kind to yourself, being mindful and responsive to your thoughts around your experiences without beating yourself up every time those thoughts come into your mind, you can learn about self-compassion.
Own what's yours
If we’re genuinely not to blame, what we feel needs to be redirected elsewhere. The onus shouldn't be on us. We should own what's ours and relinquish blame. If we are to blame, we need to understand what we have done.
Whether our mistakes lie with us, or with someone else, it is important to let go of the baggage and this is where self-compassion comes in.
I made several mistakes when I was a teen, but I blamed my parents because of their over-protection of me. Then I felt guilty for blaming them because the things I did were my decisions and I was old enough to know better.
There is one thing I did that I do feel guilty over even though I did it because of my fathers words. I know he felt guilty over it til the day he died.
As an adult I tend to feel guilt over things that are really some other person's fault. I usually just put it in the back of my mind where it arises to bug me occasionally, then I tell myself that I'm not to blame but it still bugs me.
I'm a guilty looking person. If something happens I will somehow be blamed even if it's not my fault. Others like to twist things around.
Then I remember that things like that will resolve itself when that something comes back around and bites the guilty person in the ass.
Thanks Lisa. Yes the universe will always play its part.
I think we've all come across people who twist things around to make out we're to blame, but in our hearts of heart we know we're clearly not and for all the reasons outlined in your response this is why I believe we need to practice self-compassion.
I feel that if I hadn't have learned how to use self-compassion, I'd be carrying around other people's guilt by the bucket load.
We often have enough to deal with without holding on to other people's guilt.