Because I have lived with guilt for so long I have decided to write another blog about my education. As a child living with Cerebral Palsy, it was inevitable that I would struggle with school. Some of my struggles in class were mentioned in my school reports, but that’s as far as it went. It took me many years to go back to read them.
I blamed myself so much so, that over the years I became embroiled in my own personal battle. Being a parent, I didn’t see how I could to go back to study as well as being a parent and do both jobs well. I believe being a parent is a full-time commitment as far as children were concerned.
I soon realised it was time for me to quit feeling guilty. When the time was right I went back into study and have now more than exceeded my own expectations. I have three diplomas to my name.
I'm proud that I have managed to turn that side of my life around. I was written off across the board as being incapable. I carried that guilt for years, even though I knew it wasn't my guilt to carry.
It's not right that no one was there for you to explain and help with your studies. There was a good reason why you struggled, but it seems that you were left to feel that it was your fault and no child should be made to feel like that.
Thankfully you have turned that around and moved the feeling of guilt away, while also going back to studying when you felt it was the right time. You have tackled those early feelings by acting to address them and that in my view is always the best thing to do. You also did it at a time that you felt was best for your children, so you put them first.
You should be proud of all of that.
I am. Thank you. I know that with the help and support I would have done slightly better than I did, but it didn't stop me feeling guilty because I blamed myself for not doing better.
This part of my life I can now finally bring closure on.
So glad that you were able to go back to school. I didn't do to well in school either.
I think I was depressed due to other kids poking fun at me and the lack of friends, then when I got to college I was so undecided and not prepared, I did my best but now I'm determined to get my degree and succeed at it.
Thanks Lisa. It's taken me many years to change and move on from my school years. It's been very difficult but for me timing was important.
Subconsciously I must have been determined because it wasn't something I ever gave up on. The more I thought about school, the more I felt guilty about it. Timing was also important too.
Good luck with your studies. I hope you manage to get your degree. You deserve it.