Anyone who deals with brain damage, deals with a rewired brain. That means the information getting to the brain is slower and confused, as is our ability to process that information and to function. It's the whole disability package.

Unfortunately, not many people go on to remember that when they’re talking to us, we will struggle to keep up. Because I deal with Cerebral Palsy, I know what it’s like to live with something that makes me different. I understand what it feels like to live with brain impairment.

Because my Cerebral Palsy is mild I am penalised further, because everything seems normal to other people. When we don’t live with and deal with a brain impairment, we consciously ignore what it’s like for others who deal with an impairment. Perhaps that’s something we must work on.

I am sure if we did, there would be less prejudice around disability and for those of us with the disability, we’d feel we fitted in a little more. If the shoe were on the other foot, we wouldn’t want other people to forget about what we struggle with. Any impairment is difficult. Perhaps we need to carry those thoughts with us, so that we learn to anticipate others' struggles better.

It’s an attitude and perception thing, which we can all change at any time. We must consciously think about our reactions to other people, particularly to people who deal with disabilities, because our reactions matter and count to their wellbeing. We must listen so that we can help others.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “Listening to help others”

  1. Having a disability can be difficult enough and adding people's ignorance about it can be too much. It would be nice if people that don't comprehend what I have to go through, didn't judge or tell me how I should feel.

    I find it annoying that there can be a competition among the disabled community of who has it worse; everybody's struggles matter. I also find it annoying when someone with a disability who has achieved a big accomplishment, tells others, "if I can do it why can't you."

    Everyone comes from a different background; it's not fair to expect the same from everyone.

    1. Thanks Maria. I feel for you too and totally agree with you.

      We're all different and so are our disabilities. We will all deal with and cope with our disability differently and will go on to achieve differently through those disabilities. It's wrong to compare.

      There is and continues to be ignorance around disability, even in families. Sometimes that's where the biggest ignorance is... that and denial. Most often we end up dealing with both.

  2. There is no doubt in my mind that people feel threatened by diversity and the God they claim to love. They are willing participants in the damning of their own souls just to feel superior or normal above another human being.

    It's very sad that people make others feel uncomfortable because of their differences.

    1. I think it's sad too, particularly when we could make a difference, for ourselves and other people, particularly for those of us who live with a disability.

      I believe we can all have good intent, but we have come to lead shallow lives and only think about ourselves. It's that shallowness that interferes in all aspects of our lives.

      If we live with compassion, tolerance and empathy, we will come to make a difference, but most of us don't.As we go about our daily lives, we make very little difference to others and what they have to deal with. Unfortunately, there is only a minority that do.

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