Historic family issues are what keeps families separate. It doesn't matter the upbringing or the issues unless those circumstances are satisfactorily resolved or addressed, families emotionally will never stay together.
Dysfunctional families
Perhaps that's part of what a dysfunctional family is. A family in which conflict, abuse and bad behaviour on the part of a parent occurs regularly, leading other family members including children to replicate such actions.
Children growing up in dysfunctional families has become normalised. Where one parent is overtly abusive and the other becomes a co-dependent and who may be affected by an untreated emotional or mental illness that becomes normal for that person, or by addictions such as substance abuse (e.g. alcohol or drugs).
Dysfunctional behaviour
Dysfunctional behaviour doesn't stop there and that's what makes this behaviour historic. In some cases, the dominant parent will go on to emotionally abuse one or more of their children, misleading the other children to assume the blame and responsibility on occasions for the other parent, who may struggle to meet the demands.
Why dysfunctional couples stay together
When it comes to 'dysfunctional families' it would be hard to believe that any parent would stay or accept this behaviour, but the reality is that is what happens. The parents' faults usually complement each other and is the reason why they stay together.
Any additional stressors that interfere with the family can cause existing conflicts affecting the children to become much worse. Historically, children of dysfunctional families are expected to obey and conform.
Historical behaviour
When children from dysfunctional families become parents themselves, they may go on to continue the historical behaviour in their own families, unless they choose to deal with and change their behaviour. When it comes to their siblings, there is often no relationship, because the damage from their childhood has already been done.
If this affects you, you're not alone.
I think most families will be able to resonate with this post.
In my case, while pretty dysfunctional, my family are harmless and thankfully I am left to my own devices without interference and the associated stress.
For that I have realised I am fortunate.
Thanks. Yes, you are fortunate although I don't advocate dysfunctional behaviour. But a child left to his own devices without interference and stress, is better than a child that has control, abuse and neglect to deal with.
Being self-sufficient like you were, meant you were able to make decisions for yourself and that will have worked to your advantage. Where behaviour is dysfunctional but harmless, in a way that parent can be forgiven.
It's much worse when the behaviour is harmful and children begin to live with anxiety, stress and fear.
'You live what you know.' This has been the driving force in my life, even though there was a time when I tried to do things differently; but failed miserably.
There was a part of me that desperately wanted to break the cycle, but there was also a part of me that didn't really care which won out in the end.
My parents shouldn't have ever had children, considering my dad was an alcoholic who was seriously depressed more often than not, and my mom had the mentality of a 10 year old, which we didn't know about until later on in her life.
I'm always torn between feeling sorry for my parents and being angry with them for what they put us through. The reality is that I'm the only one who can finally break the cycle since I can't change the past, but I can work on changing the future.
Thanks Randy. Yes, we live what we know until we change it. The reality is that you are the only one who can finally break the cycle, you're right. All you can do is work on yourself.
There is no defence for any dysfunctional behaviour, particularly where children are affected. Sadly, dysfunctional behaviour in families is more prevalent than we think.
Too many families are affected by their parents' behaviour.